Thanksgiving Day Entry.
That's the view outside my window. It's snowy. Woo.
Let the holiday season begin. I'm content during this time, because of everyone else...their happiness, joy, sense of family and caring and all that jazz. But, this is probably my least favorite time of the year, with few exceptions anyways. I can't make myself happy during this time. I try, have tried, and will try, but I can't get out of a funk from Thanksgiving day until December 27th. It's a race until New Years Day, but even so, New Years celebrations are a toss-up to begin with. Leaving Neil to reflection isn't always a positive experience, like now.
Well, this day is pretty much pointless for me. I don't see family. I don't see friends. I don't eat turkey. I can't even leave the house because everyone else is doing the above. It's lame. It's a holiday of isolation, which is not something I like celebrating. I don't even enjoy watching NFL football anymore, once the wolverines are done, football because arbitrary until the end of the season/playoff time.
I've been thinking very deeply about what I have to be thankful for, and there is much to be thankful for. A heap even. But, I can't help but feel pessimistic about it. What I'm thankful for, or most of what I'm thankful for is my creation. So, it's hard to feel refreshed by it. I can kick-ass in day to day life, but outside enrichment is atypical. That's what I love. Think of it like ice cream, sprinkles are only applicable when there is a solid chunk of ice cream below them, but ice cream is...typical without sprinkles. One may think, "if you expect sprinkles all the time, you'll take them for granted". I don't take sprinkles for granted.
But I suppose there are things to be thankful for. I don't know though. I am inflated with cynicism, and the pile of things I am thankful for are outweighed by one sweeping factor.
I don't like this season, because it's the lonliest and most islanding season that I have every year.
I can stand it. The year progresses like a trigonometric curves, my mood is a sine wave, and this period of the year is the range from pi to 3pi/2. Most others are a cosine curve where the beggining of this time is where they pick themselves up, as to where I'm just begginging to rescind.
I've already noticed a change in my use of language. I'm more descriptive while being more precise, and clear.
So, what to do? Increasing expectation of others is not an option that is feasible or one that I wish to pursue, as this time of the year is cherished by those around me. I do not wish to detract.
I cannot turtle-shell, that would further isolation from those around me.
I must take the approach of indulging into myself and others. I must reflect, and reason, and feel, and embrace my individuality, and try to peer deeply for joy and improvement. I must simultaneously try to share myself with others, and engage myself in their experiences, and try to create new ones. I must take my efforts and polarize them with investing in myself, and mixing others.
Lonliness is hardly something I wish to conquer. That is better left on it's own I think.
So, what am I thankful for? Being able to write down, and have the option to think about what I am thankful for. I'm thankful for being alive, and there's not much more I can ask for.