Neil Tambe

I'm a Detroiter who happens to enjoy writing, national parks, orange juice, the performing arts, and fanciful socks. More than anything though, I aspire to be a good husband, father, and citizen.

Kathy Freston: What's Up With All This Talk About Soul Mates?

Kathy Freston: What's Up With All This Talk About Soul Mates?: "I love talking about relationships; I love hearing people's stories about where they are insofar as romance. I love how their eyes light up and they sort of snap to attention when trying to get their mind around the concept of 'soul mates.' I can't tell you how many times I've heard the questions, 'How can I find the One?' or 'How do I know if I've met the One?' There is some serious obsession out there about the One -- that oh-so-perfect partner -- and I think I know why.

I think we have some kind of innate memory about intense and unwavering connectedness, and that memory makes us dissatisfied with superficial surface stuff. We know there is something more. Maybe the memory is passed down to us from generations who went before and lived great loves; or maybe it's part of our biological make up which harkens back to before we were bodies. But it's in us; the knowledge that we are part of some great interconnectedness lives in us like a promise. And because we want that magical mystical experience..."

This is an issue that I understand, but I can't grasp. Maybe I don't understand it yet. I'm not sure.

But, what does it feel like when you love someone?

Where does passion lie?

Is a feeling of intense connection and synchronicity passion? Is there such a feeling that people have where they just want to be with you, and abandon the rest of the world? Is passion an illusion?

I'm not convinced that all there is to passion is an instant 'knock-me-to-the-floor' feeling of lust and devotion. There can't be. That passion would never last-and I strongly believe that passion does last. It has to be something more internally driven, like a gleeful joy just thinking of another person. The kind of feeling you get just thinking about the best day you ever had, or the feeling of sunshine in summertime.

This feeling we want to experience--passion--can't be some sort of feeling that is a special breed of affection. Affection has to be the same, the difference being that instead of just an affection, it's coupled with a connection, a kind of unreal capacity to understand another person and know them intimately...or more importantly, wanting to know not just who they are, but knowing them.

Well, I hope so anyway. Otherwise, I'm screwed. I definitely don't have the kind of flash for a rip-your-clothes-off-dance-with-you-in-the-moonlight type first impression. I hope that can be worked on with time.