Neil Tambe

Husband, Father, Citizen, Professional.

I'm a Detroiter who happens to enjoy writing, national parks, orange juice, the performing arts, and fanciful socks. More than anything though, I aspire to be a good husband, father, and citizen.

Nobody must remain alone

I believe it's important for people to have time by themselves, but a person should never have to be alone.

I was sitting in a friend's kitchen the other day. We were chatting, as we always do, about lots of different things--U-M, the future, gender in leadership, food, etc. We also talked about our families, which was the hardest topic to discuss because both of us have a few difficult circumstances when it comes to our immediate familial relations. It was clear that family stuff had been bothering both of us quite a lot for an extended period of time.

But we sat, hand in hand, and it was better. We didn't talk a tremendous amount, more than anything we were just there. Not alone about it anymore. Indeed, we choose not to let eachother be alone over it anymore. And that didn't make the problems go away, not by a longshot, but it did make it seemingly more possible to move forward...to reconcile our fears and frustrations a little bit...which is exactly what we needed.

Being by yourself and struggling a little bit is important to "grow", I think. It builds character, resourcefulness and obviously independence. But being alone is totally unnecessary. At our most vulnerable state, nobody should have to fly solo. It's too cruel to damn someone to that fate. Circumventing alone-liness should at least be offered. Our civilization is too sophisticated to leave people out.

There are many that are alone and thus forgotten. Leaving those folks alone is something we cannot allow. We should be ashamed if we do. It's not humane and I don't think it's something human either. Strangers or not, awkwardness or not, frustration or not sticking together is something too important to gaffe.

I have to get to sleep pretty quickly, but this is just a quick thought. It's something I've believed for a long time but never really verbalized, only have tried to do. It's hard to do, alone-liness is hard to discover, expose, understand and then act upon.