Neil Tambe

I'm a Detroiter who happens to enjoy writing, national parks, orange juice, the performing arts, and fanciful socks. More than anything though, I aspire to be a good husband, father, and citizen.

Choices

I just can't do it.


Looking back at choices I've made, I go back and wonder whether I'm foolish or whether my hope and optimism in others will lead to being eaten up by the sharks in the world. There are many instances, I think, which shake out into the following decision framework:

Choice 1: Hold steadfastly to principle
Choice 2: Be aggressive and take what you want

And those are often in conflict - and it's hard. It's incredibly hard to say no to power and pleasure. It takes an incredibly high amount of

Eff this. I'm not beating around the bush with this.

I'm so torn between adhering to the values and princples that I was taught about how a gentleman treats a woman and what it sort of takes to "make progress" so to speak. If you're aggressive you win. If you do what you think is right, i.e. show respect, you end up sleeping on the couch. It's effing terrible.

I don't want to live in a world where one has to out-aggress others to win. I don't want to be the type of person which uses tactics and strategies to get someone to like you. I want to live in a world where people are honest, genuine and can be themselves in social situations and be accepted for it.

I'm out of air in my lungs for game. I'm so disillusioned by meeting opportunistic people in public. I can't be like this forever - what does it say for our species' future if we live out a scenario where the more you take, the more you get. Why doesn't sacrifice happen?

And as pissed as I am for not being taller, for being "old school", for being disgusted with the twenty-something "scene". I just want to understand why. Why is selfishness a pre-requisite for getting what you want?

It takes someone special to change the rules of the game or play by the spirit of the rules and "win" whatever the game is, I think.

At the same time, i'll never acquiesce to compromised principle. I'll never be a jack-ass. It's not the world that I would want to live in and change starts at home. I need to stop pretending I'm something that I'm not. It's time to really choose the man I want to be.

It's time to get back to basics, suck it up for the consequences and live the life I've dreamed of anyway. I'm gonna find my wife. I'm gonna do everything else I talked about doing. I'm gonna do it the right way, even if it takes more work and I'm freaking dog-tired every day for the rest of my life. That's how my family and friends raised me. But, this is going to be so hard.