It’s a trap!

Personal transformation can become a trap for virtue.

Here’s the paradox.

We often begin by trying to become better people. For me, that transformation came through grief, marriage, writing this book about character, and becoming a father.

Over time, I could feel the growth. I was proud of it. I could look in the mirror and like what I saw. It was terrific!

But that’s where the trap began.

Years later, the paradox revealed itself: the more I transformed toward virtue, the easier it became to applaud that virtue. I became fascinated by my own growth.

That’s the exact opposite of what should happen.

The point of transformation is not to admire ourselves. It is to turn outward, toward others.

Luckily, the antidote is easily administered: gratitude, prayer, service, and listening deeply. We can prevent relapse through intention and practice.

The hardest part is simply seeing the paradox. It took me years to recognize it — five, probably.

I share this idea in the hope that you might see it sooner than I did.