Birthdays and other thoughts

Last year, my birthday was a bust. My family remembered, pretty much nobody else did.

This year was different. Many people called, left facebook messages, and the people down my hall decorated my door and made me a brownie cake (both of which were surprises). I was definitely pleased; I didn't expect to be so far away from home and my closest of friends. It was as almost as good as it could've been--a Jones Soda would have made the evening a 10/10.

I'm kind of funny in that way, though I suppose many others are like minded. I don't like making a big deal on my birthday, but I like it when people remember. Birthdays are my favorite days of the year. Some how they're special, even though the commemerate a milestone that happens on the same date every year. Why is that?

Well, hmmm. Maybe because humans value life so damn much. Maybe we need an excuse to celebrate. Maybe we're taught to value birthdays because our ancestry didn't make it to as many as we do now. That seems like a good reason. Parents also are the ones that control birthdays, or plan early birthdays rather, and kids are kind of a big deal to them.

Anyway, thanks to all the b-day wishes (I'll reply all the facebook messages as soon as I can)!


In other news, Tom Delay is out for the count. I'm sure nobody will miss him. Not because he's lame and has no friends...but there's little doubt in my mind that he'll ever leave Washington.

Any guesses on the issues and companies he'll be lobbying for?


Also in other news. It was quite an exciting week on the Hill. The Federal Marriage Amendment (which failed miserably) was introduced and the GOP publicity stunt is complete. However, I write not in praise or even in disgust over the aforementioned legislation, but to question it.

I confess, I have a serious blindspot when it comes the gay rights issue. It's unsettling because I don't even begin to understand the other side. To me it seems like the biggest double standard of our times--isn't it a blatant reduction in civil rights?

Yes, it doesn't say anything about rights or have any semantic reference to rights. But, it's an effective poll tax...it places a qualification on who can get married, similar to how poll taxes and literacy tests placed qualifications on who could vote. I can't even buy for a minute arguments about destroying the family, or the 'sanctity of marriage' either. The way I see it there factors that destroy the family are based on communication, sacrifice, and contempt. I can't even begin to see how homosexuality is the reason. The only line of reasoning I remotely understand is that daunting phrase "the bible says homosexuality is wrong".

I understand that religious views are powerful, and understand discrimination based on religious view, not that I would ever do it, thinks its necessary, or condone it. Also, religious beliefs are a funny thing because they're not necessarily set completely in stone--as I understand it several denominations of christianity are more open and accept gays into their congregations. Is god judging one and not the other? How does this work?

Right now I stand down on any further discourse on the merits or demerits of both sides of the issue. I only ask:

Someone explain to me, or point me in the direction of someone who can. Not someone who assumes premises, or anything, someone who can rationally explain to me why people hold the view that the Federal Marriage Act should be passed.

Biases

I believe that I have run across a dilemma.  For some reason, lying here in my bed I have begun to think about biases.
Take for example the facetious bias of “White men can’t jump”, just for examples sake…it’s the title of a movie and a pretty laughable well know ‘bias’ that seems to occur at random, in gymnasiums everywhere I go.

Let’s obviously assume that I actually believe this.

Now, where did I get this bias?  Where did it come from?  How did I come to have it?  One apparent way that this happened is because someone gave it to me.  So, under what conditions must I have received this bias?
Some must have passed it along to me.  I must trust this person, or at least hold them as a source of some merit; otherwise I would have no motivation to take seriously what they say.  Or, perhaps I would have a notion of it already.  Or, I have heard this information from many unreliable sources, and form the group opinion to my own.  In any case, this is all a result from receiving this bias from other people.  This is not what I’m after.  I’m curious about how biases arrive in the first place.
So, how is that an individual would go about arriving at a bias on his own?  So, maybe he has a lack of information.  But, any person in their right mind would know that it’s possible to have all information and knows better than to make a judgment based on misinformation.  So, if this avenue was the cause, it would be because of the viewer being unable to reconcile what they see and how the world could be.  So, this is human error.
What would also be attributed to human error is a bias arrived because of someone misrepresenting themselves.  A misrepresentation in a way also leads to a misinterpretation.  Say someone gave a bad first impression and then acted like themselves, then the person viewing them would be confused and perhaps form a bias about that person based on the first experience.  All in all, it seems legitimate to call a self misrepresentation ‘human error’, it just happens sooner in the chain.
But, how much bias could this human error cause?  Think of white supremacy, is this because white people accidentally came to believe that non-white races were inferior?  Did that nazi’s mistakenly come across the notion that jews and gypsies were deserving to die?  Perhaps I should rephrase my original thought, I’m not questioning biases on the whole, I’m talking more about stereotypes.  I don’t really mean bias in the sense of a conflict of interest.
So, if it wasn’t human error what was it?  Did some humans conspire at some time in their life to perpetuate sterotypes?  Why would they consciously do it?  Unfortunately, it does not appear that there is some other way that stereotypes begin…someone wants them to.
This is quite disheartening to conclude since this would mean there are truly evil, or power hungry people around.
Note, that it is not acceptable to say that people hold different beliefs, and that’s why they begin to stereotype and hold biases.  Thinking this would require their biases to exist in the first place, because nobody would hold irrational views for no reason.  Basically, I’m saying that biases plant the seed for having different beliefs, instead of vice versa.  Granted, my point is thrown out the window, if people fundamentally process information differently.

So, that leads me to two useless places.

1. People may stereotype, because they want to, or have some benefit if they do. Maybe it keeps the population in line. Maybe it led them to great wealth. Maybe they just needed slaves to they bullshitted their way into convincing themselves that one race was inferior to another.

3. People fundamentally process things differently Then fundamentally different and conflicting opinions might happen and cause people to have conflict over interpretations of the world…leading to ‘human error’ in processing these interpretations?

Gosh, which one could it bed?  Maybe bother?  Am I underestimating human error?  Wow, it’s a lot to think about.

biases

I believe that I have run across a dilemma.  For some reason, lying here in my bed I have begun to think about biases.
Take for example the facetious bias of “White men can’t jump”, just for examples sake…it’s the title of a movie and a pretty laughable well know ‘bias’ that seems to occur at random, in gymnasiums everywhere I go.

Let’s obviously assume that I actually believe this.

Now, where did I get this bias?  Where did it come from?  How did I come to have it?  One apparent way that this happened is because someone gave it to me.  So, under what conditions must I have received this bias?
Some must have passed it along to me.  I must trust this person, or at least hold them as a source of some merit; otherwise I would have no motivation to take seriously what they say.  Or, perhaps I would have a notion of it already.  Or, I have heard this information from many unreliable sources, and form the group opinion to my own.  In any case, this is all a result from receiving this bias from other people.  This is not what I’m after.  I’m curious about how biases arrive in the first place.
So, how is that an individual would go about arriving at a bias on his own?

This I Believe

A few weeks ago, Steen dropped me upon a wonderful website.  It was on the NPR site, it was a web-presence for their on going series “This I Believe”.  Apparently this series was first done in the 1950’s by Edward R. Murrow.  It was originally done because the climate of the country was fearful and shaky.  They felt it necessary to revive the series just over one year ago.  The producers invite regular people to submit their statements of personal conviction.  The contributors have ranged from Colin Powell to random everyday citizens.  This is my submission.  Who knows, it may be on the radio someday, but if not…I’ll lay it to rest in my blog.

The "This I Believe" website

I was playing in a grueling doubles tennis match on an uncomfortably warm May afternoon my junior year of high school, in a contest with our cross-town rival.  My doubles partner and I grudgingly dropped the first set, rallied back to take the second set, and were armpits deep in the deciding third set.  The set score became six games each, which in the Michigan high-school tennis world means – tiebreaker.
My partner and I quickly found ourselves on the losing side of the scorecard in the race-to-seven-win-by-two-points tiebreaker.  By this time the rest of the afternoon’s matches had already finished—the entire crowds eyes added weight to our already exhausted psyches—as we battled on the court with the tiebreak score now reading 1-6; we were a mere point away from losing the tiebreaker, match, and city bragging rights.
Then, something happened.  The tide might’ve turned, the moon could’ve shifted, the wind probably blew in a more favorable direction…at the time I didn’t really know how we ended up changing the course of the tiebreak.  But in retrospect, it was simple.  We just tried harder.  We dug a little deeper.
Running an extra lap at the end of a workout, being a bit more patient, putting a little more of the soul into work, jumping a little bit higher, studying an extra 10 pages of a textbook, running down a tennis ball that seems just out of reach.  These are things I believe in doing.  I believe in digging a little bit deeper.
Unfortunately for me, digging a little bit deeper is often one of the hardest things to do.  After all, why bother spending more time and effort than is necessary to do something?  It is more efficient to shirk nonessential pursuits, especially if the big picture is unaffected by it.  I’ll be the first to admit that there is a warm, gooey comfort that comes with lethargy.
On some levels it is illogical, but I have a strong conviction to try my hardest anyway.  Digging deeper is how I grow.  That little extra oomph adds up.  Eventually my serve is a little more accurate, or I’m a little bit better at solving calculus equations because I’ve dug deeper all along.  I’ve found not only that hard work pays off, but that extra effort pays off even more.  Giving 100 percent is the key to reaching potential, digging a little deeper seems to be the key to raising it.
That May afternoon, down a landslide in a third-set tiebreak, my doubles partner and I had to dig a little deeper to win a tennis match.  We dug, and we did win.  It remains the most character shaping match I’ve ever played, and the pinnacle of my short athletic career.  Former President Calvin Coolidge said that persistence is what solves humanity’s problems and I wholeheartedly agree.  Digging deeper has never let me down, and I don’t think it ever will.

Closeness.

I was just journaling, and wrote a particularly memorable passage. Let me share it with you.

-The context is, something I recently discovered...being open to letting other people get closer to you.

"That's the lure about friendship, you create something mystical-by forming the bond of friendship. It's powerful. It's an age old tradition of humanity. So once you make that magical bond, burturing it is what you want. We want to see things grow. We want to see life. So...closeness matters, and when [nurtured] at a special time, [closeness] is the best thing in the world."

I think I'll start watching the Colbert Report

"Jesse Kornbluth: All Hail Stephen Colbert (You Have to See It to Believe It): "If there was any doubt about Stephen Colbert's genius, it evaporated at the White House Correspondents dinner."

Normally, when I'm watching C-Span it's only a brief flittering through the channels and there's something semi-interesting on that catches my attention. Sometimes it's a speech, other times it's legislative sessions [Once I saw a session that the chambers were nearly empty and legislators were naming Post Offices].

I was flipping through my RSS feeds and saw a link to Stephen Colbert's performance at the White House Correspondents. It was...HILLARIOUS.

With swash-buckling wit and a wonderful interpretation character, Colbert took stabs at President Bush that is seemingly on the tips-of-tongues of all Bush's critics. The difference being, he actually got them out.

Apparently, some first hand accounts of the tape - I watched online on a very low-res version - state President Bush as being "visibly uncomfortable"

See this link too: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/chris-durang/ignoring-colbert-part-tw_b_20130.html

Basically what it comes down to, is that the media kind of covered and hid on this one. I read some pieces from the AP, Reuters, and the Tribune (at the request of one of these links), and in my professional opinion as a reporter, it was an absolute debauchery of what the story should've been.

Basically, in covering the dinner Colbert's performance was screaming "Use me as the lead of your story!". These articles could've definitely been very clever, witty, and creative in covering the story.

Honestly, I could've done a better job.

Which leads me to a conclusion.

1. The reporters were not ballsy enough to report this in it's most significant form. They don't even have to write it making Colbert a hero, they could easily get criticism of Colbert's performance too.

2. It was canned by the editors. Hopefully the edit pages of these papers say something about it soon.

All in all, I'm a little dissapointed with the NYTimes this morning- they ran their story AP yesterday.

The Michigan Daily would've been ballsy enough to cover this well, It's a shame that that nation's top newspapers, granted they did write very accurately, didn't angle their stories to give the public who has not and will not watch the tape the full breadth of what happened at the White House Correspondent's dinner.

Kathy Freston: What's Up With All This Talk About Soul Mates?

Kathy Freston: What's Up With All This Talk About Soul Mates?: "I love talking about relationships; I love hearing people's stories about where they are insofar as romance. I love how their eyes light up and they sort of snap to attention when trying to get their mind around the concept of 'soul mates.' I can't tell you how many times I've heard the questions, 'How can I find the One?' or 'How do I know if I've met the One?' There is some serious obsession out there about the One -- that oh-so-perfect partner -- and I think I know why.

I think we have some kind of innate memory about intense and unwavering connectedness, and that memory makes us dissatisfied with superficial surface stuff. We know there is something more. Maybe the memory is passed down to us from generations who went before and lived great loves; or maybe it's part of our biological make up which harkens back to before we were bodies. But it's in us; the knowledge that we are part of some great interconnectedness lives in us like a promise. And because we want that magical mystical experience..."


This is an issue that I understand, but I can't grasp. Maybe I don't understand it yet. I'm not sure.

But, what does it feel like when you love someone?

Where does passion lie?

Is a feeling of intense connection and synchronicity passion? Is there such a feeling that people have where they just want to be with you, and abandon the rest of the world? Is passion an illusion?

I'm not convinced that all there is to passion is an instant 'knock-me-to-the-floor' feeling of lust and devotion. There can't be. That passion would never last-and I strongly believe that passion does last. It has to be something more internally driven, like a gleeful joy just thinking of another person. The kind of feeling you get just thinking about the best day you ever had, or the feeling of sunshine in summertime.

This feeling we want to experience--passion--can't be some sort of feeling that is a special breed of affection. Affection has to be the same, the difference being that instead of just an affection, it's coupled with a connection, a kind of unreal capacity to understand another person and know them intimately...or more importantly, wanting to know not just who they are, but knowing them.

Well, I hope so anyway. Otherwise, I'm screwed. I definitely don't have the kind of flash for a rip-your-clothes-off-dance-with-you-in-the-moonlight type first impression. I hope that can be worked on with time.

###

Subscribe to my feed, it will make it easier to check up on posts if you are a regular, or it could spur you into the dimension of weblogging and RSS feeds.

http://ntambe.blogspot.com/atom.xml

I highly reccomend the Slate magazine feed, as well as Howard Kurtz and Thomas L. Friedman's column...(Friedman's isn't free, so just read it in the paper if you get the Times)

http://reader.google.com is a pretty nice place to start for a web-based feed reader.

-Cheers

-Perge!

Class Dismissed: Lessons from year one.

It is finally time to elaborate on the first year of university studies. I have been home for a few days now, and have had ample time to pontificate about my year and how I wanted to approach this blog entry. First and foremost, I didn’t want this to be a sappy emo-for-a-dollar waste of space intending to draw sympathy from readers—I wanted to actually reap benefit and analysis in my process of writing and others reading this entry. Also, I wanted to have some structure as this is a rather hefty topic.

So, here is the approach: in no particular order, here are things this year I never expected to happen, that did. Also, please indulge in some thoughts about why they did happen at all.

Like I said, no particular order.

I never thought I would’ve struggled in an English class.

No kidding, this is an arrogant statement. But really, I love writing. I write in my spare time. I write when I should be doing other things. I’m a newspaper reporter for cryin’ out loud. Writing is not something that comes with much friction for me, but boy did I struggle. I suppose I should’ve been working as hard at the beginning of the semester as I was at the end of the semester, but I thought English was no problem. After all, write a few papers, read a few books—I thought I would finally be able to digest British Literature, big mistake—get a grade and we’re dundies.com. [Buzzer sound].

English was definitely a challenge, and I think everyone in my class was better for it. It was wonderful to struggle in a class again, even if it gave my GPA an unnecessary shot in the arm. But from what I can figure this is part of what college is all about, especially the freshman’s experience: rigor. Students are, and should have rough courses in their first year, so long as they’re administered fairly (please discard for a moment that I thought my class was hella hard compared to other first year english courses). I have often been bothered by university culture of recent times, not because of the rigor, but the response to rigor by my peers.

My father, when telling me about his university experiences (India and Canada with dos Master’s degrees on top of his undergraduate degree) seemed to describe a different sort of culture. His mentality of college was a place were people lived and died to study and succeed first and foremost. Now, college seems like a trend, or somewhat of an extension to high school. With exceptions of course, college-bound seniors seem to be a dime a dozen. I see kids wasting away their time, putting more effort to having a high BAC than a high GPA. I want college to be elitist—in the sense that it takes some effort, some money, and some passion to learn—instead of just being some place to go ‘to follow the crowd’, even though I think everyone should go to college if they have the means. Call me an idealist, but I want college to mean more than a degree, but a commitment to a way of life as a intelligent, socially conscious, ethical, contributing citizen of the world, in some fashion or another.

My father’s college years were not for soft, candy-ass kids from the ‘burbs who were going to college to earn their parent’s trust funds or find a spouse (yes, I am very critical of girls who proclaim themselves in search of ‘MRS’ degrees). My father went to college to better himself. My father went to college to improve his life and his future earnings. My father went to college of his own accord, so he could be a college graduate and enrich his life accordingly. My father worked his arse off to get by in life. My father wouldn’t have complained about my English class—mind that English isn’t even his first language. I shouldn’t either. I should buck up about school, and just ‘get er done’. So should everyone else.

I never would’ve thought that I’d be in a fraternity

I don’t think that anyone did.

At the end of the day the greek system is very hit or miss. I should say, there is stale cookies in the jar. And it’s worth it. It’s a good thing that the greek system at U of M is different than at other universities I’ve visted. It’s very much a part of the University, but it’s not simply ‘boozeville’. Yes Dan Leader, it’s not just Boozeville. Haha, I’m only jesting out of brotherly love. (Dan Leader is the mayor Boozeville).

It’s more than Boozeville, meaning that the Greek system is diverse, and many houses stand for more than just a blowout party. It has plenty of problems, believe me. But, that’s for it’s own rant, not in an column of this type. In summary, I never thought I’d be in a fraternity, and I’m definitely glad I did.

I never thought that friends would be so easy to make

I suppose that it wasn’t easy, but I never thought that good friends would be so plentiful and easy to come by. Part of this is my personality, I’m aware. But I must have been lucky as I—as well as many others I’ve met seem to feel this way—have found some unbelievable people to share my time with. Some lived a floor above me. Some I ran into randomly. Some were in classes. Some were even at fraternity parties. The brother I never knew flippin’ lived across the hall from me. There’s something magical about living in college.

As a piece of advice to those younger, leave your door open when you live in the dorms, you never know who might stop by.

It’s quite an incredible thing, starting from scratch and making new friends. I wish adults had the opportunity more often. You learn so much about yourself when you are looking internally to how you are presenting yourself to other people, and analyzing how other people perceive you. There is much self-improvement, ideally, when making new friends. It’s a fresh start to discover and pursue the person you want to be.

How do people become friends so quickly? Is it a common bond of being alone again? Is it simply the friendliness of Michigan students? Definitely, there is something special about a place where many walk around in their underwear. It’s an interesting social dynamic to see people in their natural habitat (walking in their rubber slippers from the shower room, eating together in the cafeteria, going in pajamas to class), it must have some effect positively affecting the genuity of relationships made in college.

I never thought that I’d understand my parents so well

This was definitely an interesting occurrence. After all this time studying and making the grade—spending time improving myself—understanding my parents is not something I would have imagined. There was an overarching theme to this year: “learning to struggle again”, which brought me closer to my parents, even though I obviously saw them less than before.

My parents definitely struggled in their time, and I realized that so much of what they do, and how they command me. How they bitch and complain and demand my best performance is because they know how much of a struggle college, not to mention life in general, is. Parents are doing the best they can to provide for us so that we don’t struggle. What they do is beginning to make sense. Who am I kidding, they have no method to what they do :-P.

On a side note, my hands are staring to look curiously like my father’s. His fingers are shorter and stubbier though.

I never thought that girls would be attractive

I’m not going to lie, coming into my freshman year, I thought the girls would be pretty bad looking. All the rumors of “ Michigan girls are ass-ugly” and “All the hott girls go to MSU”, etc. were beginning to get to me. I seriously thought that there would be one good looking girl out of every 10. That’s definitely not true.

Guys who persist that this is true, that Michigan girls aren’t pretty need to get their eyes checked or change their standards. Girls at Michigan are blonde, brunette, and more, coming from many different parts of the nation and world, and provide many different styles and types to choose from. They aren’t all the cookie cutter broad that seem to riddle the minds of aroused teenagers as the ‘perfect woman’.

All in all, Michigan girls are intelligent, attractive, and seem more down to earth than in other places I’ve visted. And, there are plenty of choice women who are the traditional ‘hott’ girl—who are nonetheless intelligent as well—roaming the campus.

Guys from other Univeristies can shut their pie-hole. Our girls are just as rockin’ as those on your campus.

*I’ll give you that there not all are, but there are plenty.*

I didn’t think that I’d become arrogant, so quickly

To be perfectly frank, I know that college has begun to separate those that are intellectual—or those who desire to be—from those that are not. And, from what I can gather, my peers at the University of Michigan are among individuals searching for a pretentious attitude, and are arrogant enough to know it.

And I love it.

There’s a big difference I’ve noticed in some old friends and others. Some have embraced college to expand their minds and thoughts and push themselves to the limit. Actually I shouldn’t say friends, I’ve observed this phenomenon—I shall call it ‘The Michigan Difference’ even though many other top institutions have this effect—when sitting in random places overhearing the conversations of college-aged strangers. All in all, lots of people in college don’t know shit about anything: the world, or terribly much about their own areas of expertise. They seem to just speak like laymen anyways. I’ve heard people, who are older college students around town, talk like idiots. College is not accessible to all and it should be. But for people whom university studies are accessible, take advantage of them. Sheesh.

I am so amused by being a cocky Michigan student—not that I throw it around, just realizing it in my own head is enough for me—it makes me feel elite. As it should. College educations, as I said before, are investments that I hope make people better citizens in the world. Newsflash, it doesn’t really help much to be a college student/graduate who doesn’t kick it up a notch and do something great. In fact, I don’t think ‘great’ has to be world changing, just something that leaves the world a bit better than before. It’s not cool to succumb to striving only for privileges encouraged by a culture of merit, there’s so much more we can do. Plant a tree. Be nice to neighbors. Read a newspaper. We are blessed to have the college experience to learn more about ourselves and the world; this attitude of brotherhood, empathy, intelligence, awareness, and action must be spread. And most definitely, these ideas don’t spread when the words used to proliferate them sounding like they come from a 6 year old.

These are glimpses of my year.

In finale,

Hail to the Victors.

Coming this week…commentary of oil prices and microeconomics.

Going Home

It’s 12:09 AM.  I’m going home today.  For real.

I’m not sure how I feel about this.  I guess I was expecting to feel diff  I guess I was excited to leave Ann Arbor, and I am.  I am excited to do what I want with my time.  I’m excited to learn on my own.  I’m excited to see my friends and family.  I’m ready for a non-university life again.  But, I thought I’d be more excited than I am now.  Why I feel this way is not why others might expect.  I’m not disappointed to leave this place because I’m going to miss friends (even though I will) or the next party.  I’m nervous about leaving here because I don’t know that ive gotten any farther.  I don’t know if I’ve made any progress in life.

A cynical thing to say,  yes.  But really.  I’m living a life that’s no different than the one before.  I understand and wholeheartedly believe that the friendships and experiences that I have here are what is going to make college for me, but really…should I feel like I’ve improved as a person?

I don’t know what the hell ive learned this year.

Okay.  I must list and reflect.  Idea generation time.

I’ve learned that learned that

Scratch that.  I’m not ready to write this. Good night.

The Spot

I found one.

A spot. You know, one of those places where you feel like you belong? I asked the Laine-ster last week where her spot was. Neither of us really had one here, but today I found one.

I was purusing around the campus this afternoon. I came across a pretty incredible place. It's one of those places that's buried and probably not very many people ever find it.

Clements library. You should go there. It's on S. University across from the Law Quad, right next to the president's house. I stumbled into this place because a campus day tour was outside, and I had some time to waste so I decided to go inside this infamous building that, I seem to have never heard of outside of my own campus day tour.

I was greeted by a man, middle aged, wearing a sweater and adorning spectacles. He wasn't old, he was experienced I suppose you could say. I asked him what this place was. He proceeded to tell me.

This place is one of the best collections of primary source documents of American History in the world- third best he said. They have ridiculous documents inside. A delegate's draft with notes, from the constitutional convention. All the maps of America from the 1820's and back (with the exception of five, don't worry they have pictures of the missing ones), and more rare books you could probably imagine.

This place was like walking into the best American History textbook you could ever imagine.

This Clements guy was pretty cool too. He was an alum of the 'U', graduating in the 1880's. Engineering guy. He made a ton of money in Bay City making steam shovels and cranes that they used on the Panama Canal and the New York skyline and such. He seems to have had an affininty for primary source documents, and he cut a deal with the University to house his collection.

This guy who was a mutual friend with Clements and Henry Ford- the guy was an architect or something- built this library, and apparently it's one of the best examples of Italian Rennisance Architecture in the nation. So there's all these books there.

If you like history at all, you should go. It's quaint and calm. It's peaceful, and it invigorates this emotion that makes you feel connected to the past. It's unlike any library I've ever been in. I sat down and talked with this guy for a good half hour.

Go there.

But anyway, this wasn't my spot.
I found one in the law quad. In a tree.
I like the law quad, it makes me feel like i'm excellent. I think it's good to go places like that, because it inspires you to get there.
The people passing through were really nice. One guy asked me how I found myself up there. I told him that I saw a quarter in the tree, and I figured that I should probably go get it.
He liked my answer. He had a really welcoming smile. It's like he approved that I was there. Which was nice, because the Law Quad isn't exactly my stomping ground.

I have never climbed a tree. Before today I mean. It was worth it. I thought of Michael Steen. He's always encouraged me to climb trees. I'll have to show it to him the next time he's here.

I hope I have a place of my own someday. A place that I can make. A place that I can establish, like it was insignificant before I was there. I think about that place. Every. Single. Day.

I get really lonely thinking about it. Cause places like that, I feel like you need help getting there. Actually not, you probably could get there by yourself. But, why would you ever want to stake out a place by yourself? I wouldn't. That'd be absurd.

I miss home. But lately I've been trying to figure out exactly where home is. I think I know where it is, but i'm not so sure that I want to tell anyone. It's a secret.

Shhhhhhh.

Dance Marathon is this weekend.

I wish you a life that is unriddled by such things that you do not wish for.
Time to eat. Good afternoon.

I love you.

Cupid's Pregame

[22:26] Neil Tambe: Bursley is speed dating tomorrow. :(
[22:26] Suneal Rao: why sad face?
[22:35] Neil Tambe: i
[22:35] Neil Tambe: I'm not a fan of the speed dating thing
[22:35] Neil Tambe: i would never do it
[22:35] Neil Tambe: (I hope)
[22:36] Suneal Rao: i see
[22:36] Suneal Rao: so u don't want them to do it
[22:36] Neil Tambe: If it hooks people up with a sweetie, I'm all for it
[22:36] Neil Tambe: but...
[22:36] Neil Tambe: where has chivalry gone?
[22:36] Suneal Rao: it's there
[22:36] Suneal Rao: buried beneath OC and other get horny quick schemes
[22:36] Neil Tambe: in a speed dating session?
[22:37] Neil Tambe: hahahaha

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This was an excerpt with the always quotable Suneal. You are currently writing off-site at home in Rochester, Michigan.


Chivalry. I don't see too much of it anymore, with the exception of Suneal, Matt Koletsky, Kyle "Tex" Landry, FIJI-2, and a few other FIJIS, and a few other guys too. But really. I really am quite dissapointed in college social culture. Or, college party culture. It's so unreal to me. I was talking to Mimi before PSIP about how Freshman girls in the greek system often times feel like they have to do sexual things with older guys, it wasn't even the topic of conversation that they often do, or want to, but that they feel they have to.
Terrible. Not because in my ideal world love rules and sex is the eventual outcome of intimate relationships, but something about that just seems wrong. I hope it stops. Even more, I hope I don't become that. I don't think I will. I'd hate myself if I did. It's definitelly tempting though. Our lives as young adults are filled with stress, toil, breath-taking moments, passionate rage, and raging passion. The escapes of our culture numb it down for awhile. It's hard being in reality for really long periods of time. Shit is hard. All the stuff, ranging from Yoga to Flipcup level stuff out for awhile. So tempting.
But really, is chivalry all that sacrificeable?

Good luck to all those seeking/serenading sweeties for Valentines Day. 4 days, sweeeeeet.

Where's infinity? When's infinity?

Being Critical

Sometimes I cannot believe the kids that come to the University of Michigan. I'm sitting in the study annex by the large window looking into the fishbowl, and this girl is cracking me up. I hope shes a freshmen, I don't I could stand listening to people like this for 3.5 more years.

She is really nice, quite a sweet person in fact, but...complaining.

I just listened to her complain on the telephone to a friend about the massive work load, and staying up until 3 or 4 in the morning, mind you in great detail, and then continue about more commitments with some school age kids for a job.

It was just as bad as listening to a mundane conversation about the weather. Weather can be interesting at time, and so can complaints, if there is some original thought that comes from it.

It makes me wonder if I will become one of those, who instead of working hard and accomplishing goals will call my friends on the phone, complain, see another friend passing by, complain, then stare into the fishbowl, and finally not really accomplish anything for about 15 minutes.

That's one thing I don't like about this university, it seems as if people play up their schedules and workload as if someone is going to give them a ribbon for their nobility.

Thankfully, I've noticed this and have attempted to be more chill about my workload with other people...afterall, what does it accomplish. I think that we should all strive to help eachother through rougher days, provide comfort, and encourage ourselves and our friends that they can get through it. Afterall, no matter how many people you complain to, it's not going to make calculus any easier.

Thanksgiving Day Entry.

That's the view outside my window. It's snowy. Woo.

Let the holiday season begin. I'm content during this time, because of everyone else...their happiness, joy, sense of family and caring and all that jazz. But, this is probably my least favorite time of the year, with few exceptions anyways. I can't make myself happy during this time. I try, have tried, and will try, but I can't get out of a funk from Thanksgiving day until December 27th. It's a race until New Years Day, but even so, New Years celebrations are a toss-up to begin with. Leaving Neil to reflection isn't always a positive experience, like now.

Well, this day is pretty much pointless for me. I don't see family. I don't see friends. I don't eat turkey. I can't even leave the house because everyone else is doing the above. It's lame. It's a holiday of isolation, which is not something I like celebrating. I don't even enjoy watching NFL football anymore, once the wolverines are done, football because arbitrary until the end of the season/playoff time.

I've been thinking very deeply about what I have to be thankful for, and there is much to be thankful for. A heap even. But, I can't help but feel pessimistic about it. What I'm thankful for, or most of what I'm thankful for is my creation. So, it's hard to feel refreshed by it. I can kick-ass in day to day life, but outside enrichment is atypical. That's what I love. Think of it like ice cream, sprinkles are only applicable when there is a solid chunk of ice cream below them, but ice cream is...typical without sprinkles. One may think, "if you expect sprinkles all the time, you'll take them for granted". I don't take sprinkles for granted.

But I suppose there are things to be thankful for. I don't know though. I am inflated with cynicism, and the pile of things I am thankful for are outweighed by one sweeping factor.

I don't like this season, because it's the lonliest and most islanding season that I have every year.

I can stand it. The year progresses like a trigonometric curves, my mood is a sine wave, and this period of the year is the range from pi to 3pi/2. Most others are a cosine curve where the beggining of this time is where they pick themselves up, as to where I'm just begginging to rescind.

I've already noticed a change in my use of language. I'm more descriptive while being more precise, and clear.

So, what to do? Increasing expectation of others is not an option that is feasible or one that I wish to pursue, as this time of the year is cherished by those around me. I do not wish to detract.

I cannot turtle-shell, that would further isolation from those around me.

I must take the approach of indulging into myself and others. I must reflect, and reason, and feel, and embrace my individuality, and try to peer deeply for joy and improvement. I must simultaneously try to share myself with others, and engage myself in their experiences, and try to create new ones. I must take my efforts and polarize them with investing in myself, and mixing others.

Lonliness is hardly something I wish to conquer. That is better left on it's own I think.

So, what am I thankful for? Being able to write down, and have the option to think about what I am thankful for. I'm thankful for being alive, and there's not much more I can ask for. 

Gotta love it.

This past tuesday was my favorite day of the year. It was Diwali. You wouldn't think it would be my prized gem out of 364 other days of mediocrity, but it is. I love it. It's the only day of the year where I can recollect no sad memories. I have always been happy on that day, as far back as I can remember. But, going back to the previous, you would think that I wouldnt like it, because of it's religious importance, and christmas-like fanfare. That is true, but the holiday doesn't hold any significance for me in that sense at all. It's all about people you love. My parents, my family, and now my dog...because yes, this was Apollo's first Diwali @ home! I must try to make it home for Diwali every year. I had a very reflective experience, even though it was but a few hours that I was in Rochester, but wonderful nonetheless. I realized a little bit where home was, and reconfirmed my previous notions. I'm positive as to where home is now, and I'm lucky, I have 4. I remembered a bit of the things that matter much more than life. I found a little bit of peace. And of course I relieved the same ol' traditions, but they had a newness and excitement, just like they do every year. It doesn't matter. I like Diwali just the same. My favorite part, is the special things I do with my parents. I get to put out the dia's (candles) with my mom, all over the house. And it's the only day of the year where all lights are encouraged to be on. It is a day that is unique from every celebration around the planet. It makes me happy that at least some things never change-or don't very often...I get choked up just thinking about it. Then there's my dad. It's the only time he ever consistently wears authentic cultural clothing. I worry about him sometimes. I feel as if he rejects his heritage, his family, his roots. It reminds me that he hasn't forgotten where he's come from when he simply wears those clothes. He inspires me to do the same. He inspires me to remember who I am. It was almost perfect. But as she says, "everythings perfect." Not a surprise, she's right. Everything is perfect, and perfect it will remain.-"...Caught in between ten and twenty and I'm just dreamin'...countin' the ways to where you are..."- 

My Generation.

What will our generation be known as?  Will be the rebels like those in the 1960’s, or will we be like the yuppies?  How will we be defined in history books, or in the folklore of our youth?
I’ve made public comment before about how much potential I think our generation has.  The ability to be so just, so smart, so beautiful. But I almost feel like we are moving to a generation of “I”, selfishness, and introspectiveness.  It is necessary though, we must search our souls to rid our psyches of the last remnants of inequality.  We as a generation have the opportunity to make a huge shake towards a further level of purity and innocence.  But this “I” phenomenon worries me.  It seems as if songs on the radio are in the “I”, that books are written in the first person, and that our thoughts and opinions are qualified by the “I”.  I hear less people expressing opinions, and only stating what they think.  This may seem like it is synonymous, but let me explain why it isn’t.
     Stating what one thinks is saying, “I believe such and such, I make no claim about greater truths, and I use the fact that my opinion is mine, to shield myself from criticism or uncomfortable.  When I say expressing an opinion, I mean that somebody takes more of a chance, and let’s their opinion stand on it’s own, and not qualify their opinion, by saying, “I think that…”.  They might say…”it is true that…”.  I think we need to man up.
     I’ve thought many a time that our generation has an enormous confidence problem.  We have the passion of 1000 tigers, but it’s wasting away, because we wait for someone to take the first step.  You would not believe how many people look off after making eye contact with me.  You would not believe how many people look at the floor when they speak.  I suspect that many people do not listen to IPods at the bus station because they wish to experience music, but just so it gives them a reason not to risk talking to someone else.  We go about our ways, and live in our own little worlds, and wait for someone to touch us.  Was this so 50 years ago?  10 years ago?
     I am certain that we as a generation desire to be connected.  Look at me, I’m flipping posting this entry into a blog, I’m logged onto AIM as we speak right now.  My internet is always on.  My cell phone is always on, and on silent in my pocket.  When I forget my cell phone, I have strange withdrawal symptoms.  I feel as if I’m almost in a haze without it.  I’m certain that we desire to be connected.  However, I think this desire has shifted nuances since the age of the internet.
     I don’t have a TV anymore.  I couldn’t care less.  Now when I watch tv at my home in Rochester, I feel empty.  I feel useless.  I hate watching TV now.  I just did it for the connection.  But now I’ve grown further into wanting to be connected.  Now I want REAL connections to REAL people.  I want people to IM me.  I want people to write on the walls of my facebook.  I want that cute girl upstairs to come down and visit me.  I want to get that acknowledgement from a professor.  Some may say this is a basic human response, but I feel as if it is different.  Depression and suicide rates are higher.  This didn’t happen before.  There has to be a difference.  I don’t think gen y-ers today are capable of handing it.  Why not.  God, I don’t know.  We need more balsy-ness.  I go up and visit the floor above me, almost everyday.  Yet, barely anyone makes that leap to do the same.  Furthermore, the people who come around and visit, do so in groups, or have a routine to fall back on.  That reassurance keeps that coming back.  Once again, some may claim that this is just how people make friends.  But I’m still not convinced.  I have a feeling in my gut that this behavior is different.  I have intuition that something much more serious is present.  I can’t prove, or even give evidence of a damn thing.  But I will one day.
     So that leads me back to what our generation will be defined as.  I don’t know.  I really want to know though.  Perhaps I will have a revelation about the matter soon.

Good Night.