The Quiet Time.
The people, were there.
Just like yesterday.
Waiting.
Cue stage left.
Some sat, read, or stayed standing but all
Waiting as the bum-ba-ba-ba-bumba-chicka
Bum-ba-ba-ba-bumba-chicka pattered the rhythm of the morning.
Quickly setting in with the shoes on the weathered low pile orange carpet,
Worn and stained by sneakers, stilettos, and pieces of the city street.
A relic of the 70’s.
And the keeper of the quiet time.
Hold us close and stay with us awhile,
If the city is our home, she is our nanny,
Sneaking us a taste of alone.
Like the chewy sweets and chocolates our babysitters slipped into our palms when our parents weren’t home, and said no.
Her voice, white, pushes my mind off-track as we scoot along together.
I usually think about love, or politics, or being grown.
There minutes later, I’m there. Hell, I’m already wearing the clothes.
I look down at my shoes, half a pair. Breathe out. Look forward, peer left, resume.
And it hits me…
Notready,notready.Tomorrow,toofast.ButI’malmosthere,nextyear,tomorrow,there,fear.Notstopping,peerleft,resume.Peerright,resume.Fidgetyfidgetyfingersandtheheartbeat.Repeat.Eat.Repeat.AndI’mwalking,feetfeetfeetgo!
And wait.
From the ground up, courage soaks my bones. Glance up, resume. Stage right cue.
And it’s quiet time again.
Minority Experience- Part 1
I’m going to try to break this down for you. Because of affirmative action, immigration, the voting rights act renewal—all of which have minority themes running through them—I’m going to help all the non-minorities out and rap with you for a second. Here is the essence (as I observe, imagine, assume, and have experienced) of being a minority in the United States of America in 2006.*-note that some of these feelings may not be shared by all minorities, the minority experience can vary intensely even between groups that have some stark similarities. Also, note that these prejudices/observations are not committed by all individuals either. However, the fact that they do, or have in the recent past, is notable because when translating across a population their effects and reach are significant. In other words, just because everyone isn’t a bigot, doesn’t mean that the following statements are isolated or even uncommon.
Your ethnic dress is criticized. Imagine if you wore [insert one of the following: Abercrombie, Hollister, JCrew, Tommy Hilfiger, Nike, Adidas, etc.] and someone made fun of you because you weren’t wearing a tunic. “My ethnic dress has been critically called a ‘smock’ before.”
Imagine the world without being able to walk, see, hear, etc.
The previous statement isn’t the kicker. Now, imagine a culture that turns their head away when you walk by. Don’t deny it, I do it too…I’m sure as hell trying not to.
You are harassed, or the victim of malicious commentary in your workplace (this can happen to many groups because or race, gender, disability, etc.) This has happened to my mother because of her race.
Someone tells you to “get out of the country”. (think anti-immigration protests)
Your friends’ parents are surprised to find that you’re not White, or Christian. The looks are easy to spot, believe me.
Say you’re purely in love with someone. Their parents/grand-parents/family aren’t used to being exposed to other races. It may not harm your relationship, but it sure can make ya sweat.
You seem to get searched at the airport, a lot.
You probably benefit at several key moments because you are a minority, and many institutions value diversity (schools, businesses, government)
You feel like your leading a double life because your heritage and your day-to-day life are less than compatible.
You are visually unique. I love it!
You’ve got a different name—really cool, sometimes not so much.
Bi-lingual.
You’re left out (physical, gender, racial, intelligence, socio-economic status, etc.)
You’re in (same factors apply)
You’re not allowed to marry, or the union has arbitrary benefits.
PS- If you’re going to talk the talk about gay-marriage and say that its prohibited, would you walk the walk and make it apply to you, too?
Products don’t seem to always fit you. (Right-handed scissors, bandages don’t match skin tone, makeup and cosmetics aren’t the right color, clothing doesn’t come in your size or fit body type well)
You have to deal with people not taking the time to understand factual evidence your beliefs/history and misrepresent you.
You are not represented proportionally in government.
You benefit from a cultural/diverse upbringing.
You don’t get credit you deserve, or get excessive amounts of credit for something minimal because the action is attributed to minority status.
You have to hide elements of your own identity, because they are “taboo”. Athiesm, agnosticism, for example.
I’m going to leave off on that list there. But, remember there are many positive and negative things that come with being a minority. I recommend re-reading that list and trying to imagine yourself as a minority going through those circumstances.
Now, for the point.
Similar to how it would be difficult for me to make an educated decision about womens’ reproductive rights, it’s similarly asinine for anyone (you, politicians, etc,) to make choice regarding minority issues without consultation with minorities. So, here’s a glimpse.I present these because of the incredibly one-sided conversations I hear when people discuss minority issues. Imagine what you would do if you were a minority and someone took your rights away, or denied the fact that your rights were less acknowledged. Would you be upset? Would you fight? Would you feel like crap?Cause yes, being a minority in America is difficult. You don’t know who you are at times. You’re identity is questioned. If you’re a black male your chances of success are lower. If you’re a woman your pay rate is probably less.I hear the bleachers yelling, everyone goes through that. It’s part of being a teenager. But the difference is, this is a constant in the life of a minority. It’s not just a phase. Believe me, in your group of people close to you, it becomes a non-issue. But not everyone in the country knows you as who you are, they know you as a minority. When in the majority, you aren’t predisposed experience minorities are accustomed to.
Also, it’s not an issue of having differences. We’re more similar than anything. But really, if you treat someone as if they’re mostly different instead of mostly similar, you’ve got some hell coming. From my desk right now, I’d recommend: treat someone as if they’re mostly similar (because they probably are) not the same, when encountered with a difference, try to look for how mutual benefit can be created for those differences, and not dwell on the mutual harm that can be created. Differences are dangerous, but these variations/changes are how progress happens…so we need them.Look for more on this topic, my words will become more focused and eloquent as I’ve thought about it for a longer period of time.
minorities
I’m going to try to break this down for you. Because of affirmative action, immigration, the voting rights act renewal—all of which have minority themes running through them—I’m going to help all the non-minorities out and rap with you for a second. Here is the essence (as I observe, imagine, assume, and have experienced) of being a minority in the United States of America in 2006.
*-note that some of these feelings may not be shared by all minorities, the minority experience can vary intensely even between groups that have some stark similarities. Also, note that these prejudices/observations are not committed by all individuals either. However, the fact that they do, or have in the recent past, is notable because when translating across a population their effects and reach are significant. In other words, just because everyone isn’t a bigot, doesn’t mean that the following statements are isolated or even uncommon.
Your ethnic dress is criticized. Imagine if you wore [insert one of the following: Abercrombie, Hollister, JCrew, Tommy Hilfiger, Nike, Adidas, etc.] and someone made fun of you because you weren’t wearing a tunic. “My ethnic dress has been critically called a ‘smock’ before.”
Imagine the world without being able to walk, see, hear, etc.
The previous statement isn’t the kicker. Now, imagine a culture that turns their head away when you walk by. Don’t deny it, I do it too…I’m sure as hell trying not to.
You are harassed, or the victim of malicious commentary in your workplace (this can happen to many groups because or race, gender, disability, etc.) This has happened to my mother because of her race.
Someone tells you to “get out of the country”. (think anti-immigration protests)
Your friends’ parents are surprised to find that you’re not White, or Christian. The looks are easy to spot, believe me.
Say you’re purely in love with someone. Their parents/grand-parents/family aren’t used to being exposed to other races. It may not harm your relationship, but it sure can make ya sweat.
You seem to get searched at the airport, a lot.
You probably benefit at several key moments because you are a minority, and many institutions value diversity (schools, businesses, government)
You feel like your leading a double life because your heritage and your day-to-day life are less than compatible.
You are visually unique. I love it!
You’ve got a different name—really cool, sometimes not so much.
Bi-lingual.
You’re left out (physical, gender, racial, intelligence, socio-economic status, etc.)
You’re in (same factors apply)
You’re not allowed to marry, or the union has arbitrary benefits.
PS- If you’re going to talk the talk about gay-marriage and say that its prohibited, would you walk the walk and make it apply to you, too?
Products don’t seem to always fit you. (Right-handed scissors, bandages don’t match skin tone, makeup and cosmetics aren’t the right color, clothing doesn’t come in your size or fit body type well)
You have to deal with people not taking the time to understand factual evidence your beliefs/history and misrepresent you.
You are not represented proportionally in government.
You benefit from a cultural/diverse upbringing.
You don’t get credit you deserve, or get excessive amounts of credit for something minimal because the action is attributed to minority status.
You have to hide elements of your own identity, because they are “taboo”. Athiesm, agnosticism, for example.
Long Term Economic plan?
Somebody help me out here. I'm no econ major, nor a self-believed super genius. I need help understanding this issue. But, don't flood me with speculation and "woulda/coulda", if you can help it.
The way I see it, education for the masses should be part of our long term strategy for eliminating poverty. That way, people move out of being forced to work for minimum wage jobs, unskilled/semi-skilled labor jobs are phased out over time, companies upgrade systems to make labor work more efficiently, and people move towards higher paying jobs that they are more qualified for. Then people working in the service sector move to part time, and to people who are not completed with education.
Then, market forces would push the minimum wage up naturally, over time of course, because the pool of workers for the lower end of the wage scale would decrease. Right?
Granted this all depends on not having an influx of workers who are uneducated artificially driving wage levels down. And, this seems like it would need a big distinction between rich and poor.
Or, would increasing the minimum wage lower the amount of low-end jobs and then after some 'growing pains' force people to increase levels of education because of the lack of work at unskilled levels?
Also, education, i think...is a privilege of being a thinking thing. Why not use a brain if we have one.
What I'm really trying to learn about is economic strategies where the rich continue to get rich (perhaps at the cost of a slower rate of increase) and the poor also start to get richer. I feel like someone would've figured this out, though.
Comments? Guidance? Please?
Beliefs- Part 1
I listen every week, via RSS feed a program on NPR that airs every monday. It is called "This I Believe". You may remember it from a previous post. This program never stops inspiring me, and it always pushes my thoughts to the frontier of beliefs and peps me up to write sometime. I'm going to try every Monday night to free-write about a belief, just to see what develops. Maybe I'll figure out something new, maybe it will be crummy. In any case, it's straight from the hip; a few moments thought and then pouring my soul out. Let's give it a try.
PS- I like updating the blog everyday, I wish I could do this all day.
10:35 PM - The thinking begins.
10:35 - Here we go.
Exercising is something I feel strongly about, and feel compelled to do, but certain kinds of exercise seem more valuable than others. I believe in running in the rain, I never miss an opportuntiy-I just did it today.
Running in the rain is always an adventure. The slosh-around-squeaky-sock-action comes after you step into your first puddle, there's plenty of head shaking to spray water from clumped together strands of hair, and probably best of all there's always gawkers. Always gawkers. I espeically like it when drivers of shiny black cars (that probably are not of optimal gasoline effieciency) have that look of pure shock of seeing someone actually outside during a downpour.
I love that running in the rain is challenging. Water drips from clothing, weighing you down and making you push harder. Breath on the way in is a little bit colder and harder to come by, after awhile your ears are bound to hurt-the best part is the rain makes you push harder. I never try as hard as when I'm drenched in cloud juice...running in the rain builds character.
But, let me tell you why I really like it. It's kind of...well, personal.
I feel infinite when I run in the rain. I feel like I'm a part of the earth, like a continuous flowing piece of energy constantly moving my legs, arms, and heart with water blurring the lines between where my limbs and the earth begin. The experience makes me feel like I'm part of a greater whole. Running in the rain is like infinity.
My thoughts drop and drip just like the water, cleaning away confusion just like the windows of very tall buildings being washed by the storm. I feel like I'm free to love, and laugh, smile, and imagine. I understand things a little bit better, like why people die, and why love is powerful, and the allure of thinking for the sake of advancing the wit and knowledge and capacity of people. Not to mention, the chance of kissing in the rain (of course it depends on how much you care about your running companion)
In a world of success, corruption, intensity, duty, and routine running in the rain helps me reclaim my humanity. It's a progression--not regression--to a more natural state, even if I am wearing Nike shoes. The feeling is raw, and robust, and vivid...it's like biting into a wonderful while barefoot in an orchard...it's getting back to how humans have lived for millenia.
Running in the rain. Try it once and you'll never let the opportunity pass you by again.
-Close, 10:52 PM-
Why I am a civil libertarian (and why you should be too)
I read 1984 first when I was in fifth grade. I thought it was creepy. I read it again my junior year of high school, and it persists in remaining my favorite novel. I think it's wonderful. A very excellent story with layers of plot and character development, a chilling satirrical message, and a stinging conclusion.
When I re-read the book with more experience and grasp of government a few years ago, it stung even more. The plot became more believeable and timeless. I imagined Winston's world and it didn't seem completely outlandish.
That book, literally freaked me out because of the implications that an Orwellian world presents. It's not a safe world for challenging people. I'm not a conventional person, I hold unorthodox beliefs. If I lived in Winston's world, Big Brother would have killed me long ago. I see elements of Winston in me.
[Subject Break]
I was reading Friday's Washington Post (forgive me, I know I should finish the paper on the day its released) yesterday afternoon, and I came across an op-ed piece which I didn't think I would enjoy, and I didn't. But in the long run, it did turn out to be worthwhile; I figured out why I'm such a civil libertarian.
I was reading this piece and I was pretty bored. The whole "Stay the course" --> "There is no course" banter has been overdone I think, and I'm trying to grit my teeth through op/eds that touch on this topic.
And I finally realized when I read:
Nobody's sorry, though, about secret CIA prisons or extralegal detention or interrogation by brutal "waterboarding" or an Orwellian blanket of domestic surveillance. After all, we're at "war."
The comparison of the state of civil liberties in the USA didn't seem comparable to 'Orwellian' the last time I thought about it. Until yesterday my under-the-breath jokes of coughcough1984coughcough after discourse about wiretapping seemed like nothing more than jokes.
Now, they seem like analogies.
1. I'm not sure if my phone is being wiretapped, without the requirement of approval by a judge, presidential power. Yes, I make and recieve international calls, so I do have standing --> Fear of cameras/wiretapping/communications monitoring for Winston.
2. "If you're not for the war, you're not for our troops" --> Allegiance to the party and joining the Women's Anti-sex league "just to be safe"
3. The camera that busts Winston and Julia for having sex in the Prole apartment --> cases challenging government intervention in the bedroom (Texas sodomy law struck down Sodomy law in Lawerence v. Texas)
These are all brief comparisons that are unarticulated, but the analogies remain. National Security is great, and I don't mind getting my bags searched at the airport, or at the smithsonian, or at the stadium. But an executive branch culture that doesn't seem to show remorse about civil liberties is something I have a difficult time with.
I'm a civil libertarian because 1984 seems real to me, you should be a civil libertarian because your in the same boat as I am, whether or not you lend any weight to Orwell. At the end of the day, we all place our trust in the government, and have to let them go about their way. We're depending on the government to watch our back and protect us from dangerous entities that are foreign and domestic (nuclear war, 'terrorism', flu epidemics, severe weather, spying, and economic collapse).
As I implied, all this is going on behind our backs, I seriously doubt that we'll be able to react instantaneously to protect our rights and liberties as citizens. The government is massive.
Also, it takes much struggling to reclaim, or gain rights that we have lost. Supreme Court precedent is weighty. The right to vote took hundreds of years to fall, 'seperate but equal' remained for longer than I wish to admit to, the supreme court is now falling a little bit to the right.
You should be a Civil Libertarian because if the cost of losing a right is higher than the cost of being a socially concious citizen. If you feel comfortable conceding some of your rights that's pretty legit, I admire your trust in the system, and think I would benefit by learning from you. But...at least know about it when it's happening.
And finally, I think you should be a Civil Libertarian--out of respect. To turn a war-mongering phrase on it's head...many people have fought for our rights, I think you owe it to them to try to protect them and be stingy with them...otherwise the people that died for them would've died in vain. Right?
One for the little guy
I’m going to take the time right now to advocate for the most underrepresented sense of them all—smell. Think about it, vision and hearing are givens, we think about them every day. People always are conscious of the ‘sights and sounds’ that are around them at all times.
Touch, touch seems to be a big deal, for most of your life too. When growing up, touch is the way that babies explore the world. As toddlers, we continued this trend and grabbed things in our hands and touched them. Dare I say I still remember the way my ‘blanki’ feels? Even later in life, we embrace…hug, kiss, massage, pat on the back, hold hands, have sex. All of that is touching. Touch is clearly represented.
Taste? Umm…food? Everyone eats, with the exception of people who lost their intestines or like have serious digestive problems, and in that case, my deepest sympathies are given. Food tastes good.
That leaves smell. Sure, smelling a rose is a common thing, or grandma’s house…those are pretty token. But as far as senses go, smell is the black sheep. Smell just isn’t as common, or commonly loved as other senses. Smell is difficult, granted. We pass in and out of smell zones and adjust. But, right now the buck stops. I’m standing up for noses everywhere and saying that smell is just as awesome and as important for sensory experience as all the other senses.
First off, smell is very integrated to taste. Our food just doesn’t taste as good if we can’t smell it. Ever had a cold, you probably didn’t taste your food. How unselfish of smelling, it helps out another sense and makes it more effective.
Also, think of how smell can help keep us out of danger, often overlooked. When the rest of our senses are disabled, smell comes in to save the day. Humans can’t see, hear, feel, or taste natural gas coming from the stove…they add a smell to keep us safe. Dogs use smell all the time, to find bombs and bust people for drugs. Is something burning in the house? I don’t know, ‘do you smell something?’
Smell is great. It’s a full body experience. Have you ever had that feeling where something smells so good your entire body tingles? Have you ever hugged a member of your family, and they have a smell that just is comforting? I know if you have a dog you’ve smelled it. I love the way my dog smells (I’m pretty sure he thinks it’s funny when I’m smelling him too).
More importantly though, smell matters with love I think.I believe this because of an experience I had earlier today. I was hangin out with someone and she was packing for a trip, she showed me her perfumes. I smelled one of them, it was pretty nice actually…but I uttered a phrase, and had a mini-moment about it.
“It’s nice, but it doesn’t smell like my soulmate,” I said.
Smell like your soulmate? Wow. What heavy stuff that was on the tip of my tongue. It was kind of crazy, who thinks about what their girlfriend of their soulmate smells like? But it seems so true, I think I partly fall in love with someone as the way they smell (or how something about them smells). Some of my favorite feelings are smells linked to other people.
So respect smell, you might find your ‘one’ with its help. And besides, smell does a lot of really helpful, cool, and useful things.So I don’t mean to say that the other senses pale in comparison to smell, but hey…respect the scent, it’s legit, and it feels good too.
Birthdays and other thoughts
Last year, my birthday was a bust. My family remembered, pretty much nobody else did.
This year was different. Many people called, left facebook messages, and the people down my hall decorated my door and made me a brownie cake (both of which were surprises). I was definitely pleased; I didn't expect to be so far away from home and my closest of friends. It was as almost as good as it could've been--a Jones Soda would have made the evening a 10/10.
I'm kind of funny in that way, though I suppose many others are like minded. I don't like making a big deal on my birthday, but I like it when people remember. Birthdays are my favorite days of the year. Some how they're special, even though the commemerate a milestone that happens on the same date every year. Why is that?
Well, hmmm. Maybe because humans value life so damn much. Maybe we need an excuse to celebrate. Maybe we're taught to value birthdays because our ancestry didn't make it to as many as we do now. That seems like a good reason. Parents also are the ones that control birthdays, or plan early birthdays rather, and kids are kind of a big deal to them.
Anyway, thanks to all the b-day wishes (I'll reply all the facebook messages as soon as I can)!
In other news, Tom Delay is out for the count. I'm sure nobody will miss him. Not because he's lame and has no friends...but there's little doubt in my mind that he'll ever leave Washington.
Any guesses on the issues and companies he'll be lobbying for?
Also in other news. It was quite an exciting week on the Hill. The Federal Marriage Amendment (which failed miserably) was introduced and the GOP publicity stunt is complete. However, I write not in praise or even in disgust over the aforementioned legislation, but to question it.
I confess, I have a serious blindspot when it comes the gay rights issue. It's unsettling because I don't even begin to understand the other side. To me it seems like the biggest double standard of our times--isn't it a blatant reduction in civil rights?
Yes, it doesn't say anything about rights or have any semantic reference to rights. But, it's an effective poll tax...it places a qualification on who can get married, similar to how poll taxes and literacy tests placed qualifications on who could vote. I can't even buy for a minute arguments about destroying the family, or the 'sanctity of marriage' either. The way I see it there factors that destroy the family are based on communication, sacrifice, and contempt. I can't even begin to see how homosexuality is the reason. The only line of reasoning I remotely understand is that daunting phrase "the bible says homosexuality is wrong".
I understand that religious views are powerful, and understand discrimination based on religious view, not that I would ever do it, thinks its necessary, or condone it. Also, religious beliefs are a funny thing because they're not necessarily set completely in stone--as I understand it several denominations of christianity are more open and accept gays into their congregations. Is god judging one and not the other? How does this work?
Right now I stand down on any further discourse on the merits or demerits of both sides of the issue. I only ask:
Someone explain to me, or point me in the direction of someone who can. Not someone who assumes premises, or anything, someone who can rationally explain to me why people hold the view that the Federal Marriage Act should be passed.
Inside the beltway
I think it's much more important to have ordinary citizens to feel welcome and comfortable on the political scene, not to tear down the political scene altogether.
Yes. I'm inside the beltway.
It's been an interesting ride so far. Aside from riding public transit from Baltimore--30 minute bus ride, followed by a 45 minute stint on the subway, followed by walking 5 blocks and waiting, and finally walking 5 more blocks--I mean.
I'm kind of floored by what to say at the moment. It's like I've been going here for awhile. I've been doing a lot of thinking. I'm definitely calmer in the mind, and less confused. Ahh. So tricky. Life is beggining to get clearer, and as much I thought it was going to be less scary, it's even more terrifying because I can't use confusion as an excuse anymore. What a dillema, huh?
This city is interesting, I'm beggining to realize how much it really is in the south. People don't talk on their cell-phones on the sidewalk. It's rude. So, people don't do it. I think I'm falling in love with Denver and I haven't even been there. I love Michigan (Ann Arbor as well as Rochester). I'm alone, so none of this matters anyway.
This city is deceptive, it's very easy to feel lonely and together in it at the same time. The people walk leisurely but with a spring of briskness in their step as well, it's hard to figure if they are going or coming. I see newspapers. The city as a whole seems to breathe. it seems to sway like a willow tree, bending and flexing. It's not like New York, like a rigid machine powered by electric lights and current, but like something that's organic. This place has a tremendous amount of balance. You can taste the vibes of the city just like it is muggy and wet to breathe the humid air.
D.C. has a collective concious, even amidst the partisanship and everyone working in the dog-eat-cat-eat-mouse-kill-dog 10AM to 6PM grind...there's a mutual respect, or so it seems.
At the same time, this place is discomforting. The beltway is a shield, as if it were a great wall. This place is unreal, it seems like reality is so real it's a charade...planned and 'too clean'. I feel like a chambermaid in a glass house when I'm here, trying to keep the walls up. Washington...is quite an exclusive place, and this establishment is perpetuated. But, it's keeping the people warm in bed at night across the country, and helping to keep the world stable. Sometimes though, I wonder if the act of working in politics, is what creates the need for politics in the first place. It seems like, Washington D.C. (and major government systems for that matter), upset the natural order of things and become a self-fulfilling prophecy of controversy, disagreement, and supression.
But...the solution must not be to stone the glass house that the leaders of the world sleep in, but to bring more people inside. I don't think D.C. needs to be swarming with hundreds of people; the masses do not need to make politics their life. The masses need to make politics part of their daily life. The masses need to renew themselves.
Sisco, from down the hall told me about the honor code at Davidson College. Apparently, most people leave their doors unlocked, and it works. People proctor their own tests, and it works. The parallel drawn here, is that there is no exclusiveness about this system, everyone is involved and on board, so nobody has a reason to feel ailienated or vindictive because they are being treated unfairly. I think it's much more important to have ordinary citizens to feel welcome and comfortable on the political scene, not to tear down the political scene altogether.
I love you.
Good-Night.
Biases
I believe that I have run across a dilemma. For some reason, lying here in my bed I have begun to think about biases.
Take for example the facetious bias of “White men can’t jump”, just for examples sake…it’s the title of a movie and a pretty laughable well know ‘bias’ that seems to occur at random, in gymnasiums everywhere I go.
Let’s obviously assume that I actually believe this.
Now, where did I get this bias? Where did it come from? How did I come to have it? One apparent way that this happened is because someone gave it to me. So, under what conditions must I have received this bias?
Some must have passed it along to me. I must trust this person, or at least hold them as a source of some merit; otherwise I would have no motivation to take seriously what they say. Or, perhaps I would have a notion of it already. Or, I have heard this information from many unreliable sources, and form the group opinion to my own. In any case, this is all a result from receiving this bias from other people. This is not what I’m after. I’m curious about how biases arrive in the first place.
So, how is that an individual would go about arriving at a bias on his own? So, maybe he has a lack of information. But, any person in their right mind would know that it’s possible to have all information and knows better than to make a judgment based on misinformation. So, if this avenue was the cause, it would be because of the viewer being unable to reconcile what they see and how the world could be. So, this is human error.
What would also be attributed to human error is a bias arrived because of someone misrepresenting themselves. A misrepresentation in a way also leads to a misinterpretation. Say someone gave a bad first impression and then acted like themselves, then the person viewing them would be confused and perhaps form a bias about that person based on the first experience. All in all, it seems legitimate to call a self misrepresentation ‘human error’, it just happens sooner in the chain.
But, how much bias could this human error cause? Think of white supremacy, is this because white people accidentally came to believe that non-white races were inferior? Did that nazi’s mistakenly come across the notion that jews and gypsies were deserving to die? Perhaps I should rephrase my original thought, I’m not questioning biases on the whole, I’m talking more about stereotypes. I don’t really mean bias in the sense of a conflict of interest.
So, if it wasn’t human error what was it? Did some humans conspire at some time in their life to perpetuate sterotypes? Why would they consciously do it? Unfortunately, it does not appear that there is some other way that stereotypes begin…someone wants them to.
This is quite disheartening to conclude since this would mean there are truly evil, or power hungry people around.
Note, that it is not acceptable to say that people hold different beliefs, and that’s why they begin to stereotype and hold biases. Thinking this would require their biases to exist in the first place, because nobody would hold irrational views for no reason. Basically, I’m saying that biases plant the seed for having different beliefs, instead of vice versa. Granted, my point is thrown out the window, if people fundamentally process information differently.
So, that leads me to two useless places.
People may stereotype, because they want to, or have some benefit if they do. Maybe it keeps the population in line. Maybe it led them to great wealth. Maybe they just needed slaves to they bullshitted their way into convincing themselves that one race was inferior to another.
People fundamentally process things differently Then fundamentally different and conflicting opinions might happen and cause people to have conflict over interpretations of the world…leading to ‘human error’ in processing these interpretations?
Gosh, which one could it bed? Maybe bother? Am I underestimating human error? Wow, it’s a lot to think about.
biases
I believe that I have run across a dilemma. For some reason, lying here in my bed I have begun to think about biases.
Take for example the facetious bias of “White men can’t jump”, just for examples sake…it’s the title of a movie and a pretty laughable well know ‘bias’ that seems to occur at random, in gymnasiums everywhere I go.
Let’s obviously assume that I actually believe this.
Now, where did I get this bias? Where did it come from? How did I come to have it? One apparent way that this happened is because someone gave it to me. So, under what conditions must I have received this bias?
Some must have passed it along to me. I must trust this person, or at least hold them as a source of some merit; otherwise I would have no motivation to take seriously what they say. Or, perhaps I would have a notion of it already. Or, I have heard this information from many unreliable sources, and form the group opinion to my own. In any case, this is all a result from receiving this bias from other people. This is not what I’m after. I’m curious about how biases arrive in the first place.
So, how is that an individual would go about arriving at a bias on his own?
This I Believe
A few weeks ago, Steen dropped me upon a wonderful website. It was on the NPR site, it was a web-presence for their on going series “This I Believe”. Apparently this series was first done in the 1950’s by Edward R. Murrow. It was originally done because the climate of the country was fearful and shaky. They felt it necessary to revive the series just over one year ago. The producers invite regular people to submit their statements of personal conviction. The contributors have ranged from Colin Powell to random everyday citizens. This is my submission. Who knows, it may be on the radio someday, but if not…I’ll lay it to rest in my blog.
The "This I Believe" website
I was playing in a grueling doubles tennis match on an uncomfortably warm May afternoon my junior year of high school, in a contest with our cross-town rival. My doubles partner and I grudgingly dropped the first set, rallied back to take the second set, and were armpits deep in the deciding third set. The set score became six games each, which in the Michigan high-school tennis world means – tiebreaker.
My partner and I quickly found ourselves on the losing side of the scorecard in the race-to-seven-win-by-two-points tiebreaker. By this time the rest of the afternoon’s matches had already finished—the entire crowds eyes added weight to our already exhausted psyches—as we battled on the court with the tiebreak score now reading 1-6; we were a mere point away from losing the tiebreaker, match, and city bragging rights.
Then, something happened. The tide might’ve turned, the moon could’ve shifted, the wind probably blew in a more favorable direction…at the time I didn’t really know how we ended up changing the course of the tiebreak. But in retrospect, it was simple. We just tried harder. We dug a little deeper.
Running an extra lap at the end of a workout, being a bit more patient, putting a little more of the soul into work, jumping a little bit higher, studying an extra 10 pages of a textbook, running down a tennis ball that seems just out of reach. These are things I believe in doing. I believe in digging a little bit deeper.
Unfortunately for me, digging a little bit deeper is often one of the hardest things to do. After all, why bother spending more time and effort than is necessary to do something? It is more efficient to shirk nonessential pursuits, especially if the big picture is unaffected by it. I’ll be the first to admit that there is a warm, gooey comfort that comes with lethargy.
On some levels it is illogical, but I have a strong conviction to try my hardest anyway. Digging deeper is how I grow. That little extra oomph adds up. Eventually my serve is a little more accurate, or I’m a little bit better at solving calculus equations because I’ve dug deeper all along. I’ve found not only that hard work pays off, but that extra effort pays off even more. Giving 100 percent is the key to reaching potential, digging a little deeper seems to be the key to raising it.
That May afternoon, down a landslide in a third-set tiebreak, my doubles partner and I had to dig a little deeper to win a tennis match. We dug, and we did win. It remains the most character shaping match I’ve ever played, and the pinnacle of my short athletic career. Former President Calvin Coolidge said that persistence is what solves humanity’s problems and I wholeheartedly agree. Digging deeper has never let me down, and I don’t think it ever will.
Closeness.
I was just journaling, and wrote a particularly memorable passage. Let me share it with you.
-The context is, something I recently discovered...being open to letting other people get closer to you.
"That's the lure about friendship, you create something mystical-by forming the bond of friendship. It's powerful. It's an age old tradition of humanity. So once you make that magical bond, burturing it is what you want. We want to see things grow. We want to see life. So...closeness matters, and when [nurtured] at a special time, [closeness] is the best thing in the world."
I think I'll start watching the Colbert Report
"Jesse Kornbluth: All Hail Stephen Colbert (You Have to See It to Believe It): "If there was any doubt about Stephen Colbert's genius, it evaporated at the White House Correspondents dinner."
Normally, when I'm watching C-Span it's only a brief flittering through the channels and there's something semi-interesting on that catches my attention. Sometimes it's a speech, other times it's legislative sessions [Once I saw a session that the chambers were nearly empty and legislators were naming Post Offices].
I was flipping through my RSS feeds and saw a link to Stephen Colbert's performance at the White House Correspondents. It was...HILLARIOUS.
With swash-buckling wit and a wonderful interpretation character, Colbert took stabs at President Bush that is seemingly on the tips-of-tongues of all Bush's critics. The difference being, he actually got them out.
Apparently, some first hand accounts of the tape - I watched online on a very low-res version - state President Bush as being "visibly uncomfortable"
See this link too: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/chris-durang/ignoring-colbert-part-tw_b_20130.html
Basically what it comes down to, is that the media kind of covered and hid on this one. I read some pieces from the AP, Reuters, and the Tribune (at the request of one of these links), and in my professional opinion as a reporter, it was an absolute debauchery of what the story should've been.
Basically, in covering the dinner Colbert's performance was screaming "Use me as the lead of your story!". These articles could've definitely been very clever, witty, and creative in covering the story.
Honestly, I could've done a better job.
Which leads me to a conclusion.
1. The reporters were not ballsy enough to report this in it's most significant form. They don't even have to write it making Colbert a hero, they could easily get criticism of Colbert's performance too.
2. It was canned by the editors. Hopefully the edit pages of these papers say something about it soon.
All in all, I'm a little dissapointed with the NYTimes this morning- they ran their story AP yesterday.
The Michigan Daily would've been ballsy enough to cover this well, It's a shame that that nation's top newspapers, granted they did write very accurately, didn't angle their stories to give the public who has not and will not watch the tape the full breadth of what happened at the White House Correspondent's dinner.
Kathy Freston: What's Up With All This Talk About Soul Mates?
Kathy Freston: What's Up With All This Talk About Soul Mates?: "I love talking about relationships; I love hearing people's stories about where they are insofar as romance. I love how their eyes light up and they sort of snap to attention when trying to get their mind around the concept of 'soul mates.' I can't tell you how many times I've heard the questions, 'How can I find the One?' or 'How do I know if I've met the One?' There is some serious obsession out there about the One -- that oh-so-perfect partner -- and I think I know why.
I think we have some kind of innate memory about intense and unwavering connectedness, and that memory makes us dissatisfied with superficial surface stuff. We know there is something more. Maybe the memory is passed down to us from generations who went before and lived great loves; or maybe it's part of our biological make up which harkens back to before we were bodies. But it's in us; the knowledge that we are part of some great interconnectedness lives in us like a promise. And because we want that magical mystical experience..."
This is an issue that I understand, but I can't grasp. Maybe I don't understand it yet. I'm not sure.
But, what does it feel like when you love someone?
Where does passion lie?
Is a feeling of intense connection and synchronicity passion? Is there such a feeling that people have where they just want to be with you, and abandon the rest of the world? Is passion an illusion?
I'm not convinced that all there is to passion is an instant 'knock-me-to-the-floor' feeling of lust and devotion. There can't be. That passion would never last-and I strongly believe that passion does last. It has to be something more internally driven, like a gleeful joy just thinking of another person. The kind of feeling you get just thinking about the best day you ever had, or the feeling of sunshine in summertime.
This feeling we want to experience--passion--can't be some sort of feeling that is a special breed of affection. Affection has to be the same, the difference being that instead of just an affection, it's coupled with a connection, a kind of unreal capacity to understand another person and know them intimately...or more importantly, wanting to know not just who they are, but knowing them.
Well, I hope so anyway. Otherwise, I'm screwed. I definitely don't have the kind of flash for a rip-your-clothes-off-dance-with-you-in-the-moonlight type first impression. I hope that can be worked on with time.
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Subscribe to my feed, it will make it easier to check up on posts if you are a regular, or it could spur you into the dimension of weblogging and RSS feeds.
http://ntambe.blogspot.com/atom.xml
I highly reccomend the Slate magazine feed, as well as Howard Kurtz and Thomas L. Friedman's column...(Friedman's isn't free, so just read it in the paper if you get the Times)
http://reader.google.com is a pretty nice place to start for a web-based feed reader.
-Cheers
-Perge!
Class Dismissed: Lessons from year one.
It is finally time to elaborate on the first year of university studies. I have been home for a few days now, and have had ample time to pontificate about my year and how I wanted to approach this blog entry. First and foremost, I didn’t want this to be a sappy emo-for-a-dollar waste of space intending to draw sympathy from readers—I wanted to actually reap benefit and analysis in my process of writing and others reading this entry. Also, I wanted to have some structure as this is a rather hefty topic.
So, here is the approach: in no particular order, here are things this year I never expected to happen, that did. Also, please indulge in some thoughts about why they did happen at all.
Like I said, no particular order.
I never thought I would’ve struggled in an English class.
No kidding, this is an arrogant statement. But really, I love writing. I write in my spare time. I write when I should be doing other things. I’m a newspaper reporter for cryin’ out loud. Writing is not something that comes with much friction for me, but boy did I struggle. I suppose I should’ve been working as hard at the beginning of the semester as I was at the end of the semester, but I thought English was no problem. After all, write a few papers, read a few books—I thought I would finally be able to digest British Literature, big mistake—get a grade and we’re dundies.com. [Buzzer sound].
English was definitely a challenge, and I think everyone in my class was better for it. It was wonderful to struggle in a class again, even if it gave my GPA an unnecessary shot in the arm. But from what I can figure this is part of what college is all about, especially the freshman’s experience: rigor. Students are, and should have rough courses in their first year, so long as they’re administered fairly (please discard for a moment that I thought my class was hella hard compared to other first year english courses). I have often been bothered by university culture of recent times, not because of the rigor, but the response to rigor by my peers.
My father, when telling me about his university experiences (India and Canada with dos Master’s degrees on top of his undergraduate degree) seemed to describe a different sort of culture. His mentality of college was a place were people lived and died to study and succeed first and foremost. Now, college seems like a trend, or somewhat of an extension to high school. With exceptions of course, college-bound seniors seem to be a dime a dozen. I see kids wasting away their time, putting more effort to having a high BAC than a high GPA. I want college to be elitist—in the sense that it takes some effort, some money, and some passion to learn—instead of just being some place to go ‘to follow the crowd’, even though I think everyone should go to college if they have the means. Call me an idealist, but I want college to mean more than a degree, but a commitment to a way of life as a intelligent, socially conscious, ethical, contributing citizen of the world, in some fashion or another.
My father’s college years were not for soft, candy-ass kids from the ‘burbs who were going to college to earn their parent’s trust funds or find a spouse (yes, I am very critical of girls who proclaim themselves in search of ‘MRS’ degrees). My father went to college to better himself. My father went to college to improve his life and his future earnings. My father went to college of his own accord, so he could be a college graduate and enrich his life accordingly. My father worked his arse off to get by in life. My father wouldn’t have complained about my English class—mind that English isn’t even his first language. I shouldn’t either. I should buck up about school, and just ‘get er done’. So should everyone else.
I never would’ve thought that I’d be in a fraternity
I don’t think that anyone did.
At the end of the day the greek system is very hit or miss. I should say, there is stale cookies in the jar. And it’s worth it. It’s a good thing that the greek system at U of M is different than at other universities I’ve visted. It’s very much a part of the University, but it’s not simply ‘boozeville’. Yes Dan Leader, it’s not just Boozeville. Haha, I’m only jesting out of brotherly love. (Dan Leader is the mayor Boozeville).
It’s more than Boozeville, meaning that the Greek system is diverse, and many houses stand for more than just a blowout party. It has plenty of problems, believe me. But, that’s for it’s own rant, not in an column of this type. In summary, I never thought I’d be in a fraternity, and I’m definitely glad I did.
I never thought that friends would be so easy to make
I suppose that it wasn’t easy, but I never thought that good friends would be so plentiful and easy to come by. Part of this is my personality, I’m aware. But I must have been lucky as I—as well as many others I’ve met seem to feel this way—have found some unbelievable people to share my time with. Some lived a floor above me. Some I ran into randomly. Some were in classes. Some were even at fraternity parties. The brother I never knew flippin’ lived across the hall from me. There’s something magical about living in college.
As a piece of advice to those younger, leave your door open when you live in the dorms, you never know who might stop by.
It’s quite an incredible thing, starting from scratch and making new friends. I wish adults had the opportunity more often. You learn so much about yourself when you are looking internally to how you are presenting yourself to other people, and analyzing how other people perceive you. There is much self-improvement, ideally, when making new friends. It’s a fresh start to discover and pursue the person you want to be.
How do people become friends so quickly? Is it a common bond of being alone again? Is it simply the friendliness of Michigan students? Definitely, there is something special about a place where many walk around in their underwear. It’s an interesting social dynamic to see people in their natural habitat (walking in their rubber slippers from the shower room, eating together in the cafeteria, going in pajamas to class), it must have some effect positively affecting the genuity of relationships made in college.
I never thought that I’d understand my parents so well
This was definitely an interesting occurrence. After all this time studying and making the grade—spending time improving myself—understanding my parents is not something I would have imagined. There was an overarching theme to this year: “learning to struggle again”, which brought me closer to my parents, even though I obviously saw them less than before.
My parents definitely struggled in their time, and I realized that so much of what they do, and how they command me. How they bitch and complain and demand my best performance is because they know how much of a struggle college, not to mention life in general, is. Parents are doing the best they can to provide for us so that we don’t struggle. What they do is beginning to make sense. Who am I kidding, they have no method to what they do :-P.
On a side note, my hands are staring to look curiously like my father’s. His fingers are shorter and stubbier though.
I never thought that girls would be attractive
I’m not going to lie, coming into my freshman year, I thought the girls would be pretty bad looking. All the rumors of “ Michigan girls are ass-ugly” and “All the hott girls go to MSU”, etc. were beginning to get to me. I seriously thought that there would be one good looking girl out of every 10. That’s definitely not true.
Guys who persist that this is true, that Michigan girls aren’t pretty need to get their eyes checked or change their standards. Girls at Michigan are blonde, brunette, and more, coming from many different parts of the nation and world, and provide many different styles and types to choose from. They aren’t all the cookie cutter broad that seem to riddle the minds of aroused teenagers as the ‘perfect woman’.
All in all, Michigan girls are intelligent, attractive, and seem more down to earth than in other places I’ve visted. And, there are plenty of choice women who are the traditional ‘hott’ girl—who are nonetheless intelligent as well—roaming the campus.
Guys from other Univeristies can shut their pie-hole. Our girls are just as rockin’ as those on your campus.
*I’ll give you that there not all are, but there are plenty.*
I didn’t think that I’d become arrogant, so quickly
To be perfectly frank, I know that college has begun to separate those that are intellectual—or those who desire to be—from those that are not. And, from what I can gather, my peers at the University of Michigan are among individuals searching for a pretentious attitude, and are arrogant enough to know it.
And I love it.
There’s a big difference I’ve noticed in some old friends and others. Some have embraced college to expand their minds and thoughts and push themselves to the limit. Actually I shouldn’t say friends, I’ve observed this phenomenon—I shall call it ‘The Michigan Difference’ even though many other top institutions have this effect—when sitting in random places overhearing the conversations of college-aged strangers. All in all, lots of people in college don’t know shit about anything: the world, or terribly much about their own areas of expertise. They seem to just speak like laymen anyways. I’ve heard people, who are older college students around town, talk like idiots. College is not accessible to all and it should be. But for people whom university studies are accessible, take advantage of them. Sheesh.
I am so amused by being a cocky Michigan student—not that I throw it around, just realizing it in my own head is enough for me—it makes me feel elite. As it should. College educations, as I said before, are investments that I hope make people better citizens in the world. Newsflash, it doesn’t really help much to be a college student/graduate who doesn’t kick it up a notch and do something great. In fact, I don’t think ‘great’ has to be world changing, just something that leaves the world a bit better than before. It’s not cool to succumb to striving only for privileges encouraged by a culture of merit, there’s so much more we can do. Plant a tree. Be nice to neighbors. Read a newspaper. We are blessed to have the college experience to learn more about ourselves and the world; this attitude of brotherhood, empathy, intelligence, awareness, and action must be spread. And most definitely, these ideas don’t spread when the words used to proliferate them sounding like they come from a 6 year old.
These are glimpses of my year.
In finale,
Hail to the Victors.
Coming this week…commentary of oil prices and microeconomics.
Going Home
It’s 12:09 AM. I’m going home today. For real.
I’m not sure how I feel about this. I guess I was expecting to feel diff I guess I was excited to leave Ann Arbor, and I am. I am excited to do what I want with my time. I’m excited to learn on my own. I’m excited to see my friends and family. I’m ready for a non-university life again. But, I thought I’d be more excited than I am now. Why I feel this way is not why others might expect. I’m not disappointed to leave this place because I’m going to miss friends (even though I will) or the next party. I’m nervous about leaving here because I don’t know that ive gotten any farther. I don’t know if I’ve made any progress in life.
A cynical thing to say, yes. But really. I’m living a life that’s no different than the one before. I understand and wholeheartedly believe that the friendships and experiences that I have here are what is going to make college for me, but really…should I feel like I’ve improved as a person?
I don’t know what the hell ive learned this year.
Okay. I must list and reflect. Idea generation time.
I’ve learned that learned that
Scratch that. I’m not ready to write this. Good night.
The Spot
I found one.
A spot. You know, one of those places where you feel like you belong? I asked the Laine-ster last week where her spot was. Neither of us really had one here, but today I found one.
I was purusing around the campus this afternoon. I came across a pretty incredible place. It's one of those places that's buried and probably not very many people ever find it.
Clements library. You should go there. It's on S. University across from the Law Quad, right next to the president's house. I stumbled into this place because a campus day tour was outside, and I had some time to waste so I decided to go inside this infamous building that, I seem to have never heard of outside of my own campus day tour.
I was greeted by a man, middle aged, wearing a sweater and adorning spectacles. He wasn't old, he was experienced I suppose you could say. I asked him what this place was. He proceeded to tell me.
This place is one of the best collections of primary source documents of American History in the world- third best he said. They have ridiculous documents inside. A delegate's draft with notes, from the constitutional convention. All the maps of America from the 1820's and back (with the exception of five, don't worry they have pictures of the missing ones), and more rare books you could probably imagine.
This place was like walking into the best American History textbook you could ever imagine.
This Clements guy was pretty cool too. He was an alum of the 'U', graduating in the 1880's. Engineering guy. He made a ton of money in Bay City making steam shovels and cranes that they used on the Panama Canal and the New York skyline and such. He seems to have had an affininty for primary source documents, and he cut a deal with the University to house his collection.
This guy who was a mutual friend with Clements and Henry Ford- the guy was an architect or something- built this library, and apparently it's one of the best examples of Italian Rennisance Architecture in the nation. So there's all these books there.
If you like history at all, you should go. It's quaint and calm. It's peaceful, and it invigorates this emotion that makes you feel connected to the past. It's unlike any library I've ever been in. I sat down and talked with this guy for a good half hour.
Go there.
But anyway, this wasn't my spot.
I found one in the law quad. In a tree.
I like the law quad, it makes me feel like i'm excellent. I think it's good to go places like that, because it inspires you to get there.
The people passing through were really nice. One guy asked me how I found myself up there. I told him that I saw a quarter in the tree, and I figured that I should probably go get it.
He liked my answer. He had a really welcoming smile. It's like he approved that I was there. Which was nice, because the Law Quad isn't exactly my stomping ground.
I have never climbed a tree. Before today I mean. It was worth it. I thought of Michael Steen. He's always encouraged me to climb trees. I'll have to show it to him the next time he's here.
I hope I have a place of my own someday. A place that I can make. A place that I can establish, like it was insignificant before I was there. I think about that place. Every. Single. Day.
I get really lonely thinking about it. Cause places like that, I feel like you need help getting there. Actually not, you probably could get there by yourself. But, why would you ever want to stake out a place by yourself? I wouldn't. That'd be absurd.
I miss home. But lately I've been trying to figure out exactly where home is. I think I know where it is, but i'm not so sure that I want to tell anyone. It's a secret.
Shhhhhhh.
Dance Marathon is this weekend.
I wish you a life that is unriddled by such things that you do not wish for.
Time to eat. Good afternoon.
I love you.
Cupid's Pregame
[22:26] Neil Tambe: Bursley is speed dating tomorrow. :(
[22:26] Suneal Rao: why sad face?
[22:35] Neil Tambe: i
[22:35] Neil Tambe: I'm not a fan of the speed dating thing
[22:35] Neil Tambe: i would never do it
[22:35] Neil Tambe: (I hope)
[22:36] Suneal Rao: i see
[22:36] Suneal Rao: so u don't want them to do it
[22:36] Neil Tambe: If it hooks people up with a sweetie, I'm all for it
[22:36] Neil Tambe: but...
[22:36] Neil Tambe: where has chivalry gone?
[22:36] Suneal Rao: it's there
[22:36] Suneal Rao: buried beneath OC and other get horny quick schemes
[22:36] Neil Tambe: in a speed dating session?
[22:37] Neil Tambe: hahahaha
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This was an excerpt with the always quotable Suneal. You are currently writing off-site at home in Rochester, Michigan.
Chivalry. I don't see too much of it anymore, with the exception of Suneal, Matt Koletsky, Kyle "Tex" Landry, FIJI-2, and a few other FIJIS, and a few other guys too. But really. I really am quite dissapointed in college social culture. Or, college party culture. It's so unreal to me. I was talking to Mimi before PSIP about how Freshman girls in the greek system often times feel like they have to do sexual things with older guys, it wasn't even the topic of conversation that they often do, or want to, but that they feel they have to.
Terrible. Not because in my ideal world love rules and sex is the eventual outcome of intimate relationships, but something about that just seems wrong. I hope it stops. Even more, I hope I don't become that. I don't think I will. I'd hate myself if I did. It's definitelly tempting though. Our lives as young adults are filled with stress, toil, breath-taking moments, passionate rage, and raging passion. The escapes of our culture numb it down for awhile. It's hard being in reality for really long periods of time. Shit is hard. All the stuff, ranging from Yoga to Flipcup level stuff out for awhile. So tempting.
But really, is chivalry all that sacrificeable?
Good luck to all those seeking/serenading sweeties for Valentines Day. 4 days, sweeeeeet.