Revisiting Timshel

Revisiting Timshel -


The echoes of Dr. MLK are reverberating in my head like crazy, right now.  There were speeches on NPR, quotes abound and a mess-load of tweets to that effect (myself included).  There's all the stuff about "dreams" and "injustice", but let me pass at those and defer to wiser men, but instead elaborate on a line of thinking more accessible to those in our generation.

There are many quotes, from many people in fact, that equate to this basic idea: there are two kinds of malfeasance in human affairs (and I mean malfeasance in the strongest sense) - 1) when bad men do great evil, and, 2) when good men see evil and are silent or do nothing.  Both are offensive, immoral and in some cases criminal.  The latter is also an embarassing travesty.

We know that when bad men do evil it's an atrocity.  There are many men who do this, but I think it only the sort of affairs for impotent men who must consciously be wicked to make any gains or profits.  Let's set this aside, we all know that it's wrong.

Now, there are two options for good men - do something or not do something to conquer evin.  Similar to the aforementioned scenario, let's set aside the decision for good men to do nothing.  It's just as immoral as doing evil, except more regrettable for the agent.

But, take the more textured case of good men doing SOMETHING.  There are at least two manners in which good men can do something, depending on whether they are opportunist or if they are sincere.

The opportunist seizes power to act, and probably accomplishes some good.  In fact, they may accomplish the most good as far as outcomes go.  The way they accomplish those ends, however may not justify the means.  They may exploit some to benefit others.  They may be arrogant or greedy.  They may seize power because they can, not because they have earned it or have pure intentions.  Good men often have power, but still abuse it.

The other route is that of humility and sincerity, which is ultimately the route that few men (seem to) choose.  It is a hard one. Nice guys, after all, finish last.  But, this route is ultimately the route we must take or at least try to take - for the sake of our friends, families, country men and fellow world citizens. To truly serve humanity, one must not pursue power, the world's recognition nor the applause of men.  One must instead put the cause and others ahead of themselves - they must strive to have their conscience untroubled by remorse for past action or regret for missing opportunity to help others.  They must be pure of heart.  If they do not, the data and logic suggest that they will become wicked.

For those that we trust with our lives, with our families and the ability influence us, I pray that they have taken the noble path, even though they are powerful enough to amass fortunes and power for themselves, their families and their entourages.  Because if they have not, we are surely endowed with a future of imperfection - and to lift an idea from the story of Adam and Eve - a future of original sin.

On this topic, I have been reflecting much on a concept from one of my all-time favorite books - East of Eden.  There is a concept that is at the crux of the narrative - timshel.  It's the idea that we're not compelled nor guaranteed to conquer sin - we "MAYest" conquer sin.  We have the ability to, it's our choice.

We have to, if we do not, I do not see any other outcome but the perpetuation of suffering and triumphing over good.  That's not something my mind, body and soul will tolerate.

I try to take the "virtuous path" so to speak, but it's incredibly difficult.  There are weak minded people that you can either dupe, mystify or coerce into doing what you want...really easily.  This goes for everything from phishing them out of $5000 or taking advantage of them at a bar and bedding them.  The moral choices we make on a daily basis could fill an infinite scroll every day.  We have many opportunities to practice timshel.

There are days when I want to throw this virtuous path to the birds.  But I cannot, and if you are considering it, you cannot either.  I (and I'm sure you have as well) have made a commitment, promise or oath to uphold what's right and reject what is not - no matter how tempting.  I need your help to succeed and I will also provide it, we must all be eachother's keepers in this effort.

Many great men have failed in this effort, but we must not.  If one of us collapses others also will.  And, if we get to a certain threshold or collapsing principle, I really believe that humanity will be doomed.

So to summarize MLKs echoes from the day - it's not good enough to just do "something" or "speak", one must also do what's right.

This is all really preachy and somewhat narcissistic, I know.  I really feel strongly about this though.  I think the world really does hang in the balance when it comes to good people choosing to do what's right or not do what's right.

Alas, I am hopeful.  Because there are many good men in the world.  It is our choice whether we will try to be pure of heart, mind and soul and choose that path.

Peace.

-Tambe

Remembering Nakul

On days like these I think about Nakul. Although I suppose that's every day.  I still don't understand the gravity of his death nor feel absolved of it.  It still hurts, though I suppose we all have found some peace with it.  At the same time, I'm proud because his life saved many more.

And I suppose I'm lucky, even though it's perhaps the most guilt one could feel, that his death has taught me what life is all about - family, community, service, integrity, grace/faith*.  All of the things that are bigger than us, individually.

I miss you, brother.

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* - Added at 5:09pm EST.  Duh.  Still learning to think about and express spirituality and what it means to me.

Cross Post - Have you read too many books to believe what you're told?

Argue with me about the liberal arts on the Umich Dean's Alumni Council Blog: http://lsarecentgrad.wordpress.com/2012/01/12/ive-read-too-many-books-to-believe-what-im-told/

-Neil

Beast mode

People say you have to compromise who you are to get what you want. I refuse to believe that.

I think you can do the right thing AND get what you want AND be happy AND have deep, deep relationships AND make a difference in the world AND have fun along the way.

I'm back on the warpath to prove it.

Peace.

How could you falter when you're the rock of Gibraltar
I had to get of the boat so I could walk on water
This ain't no tall order, this is nothin to me
Difficult takes a day, impossible takes a week
I do this in my sleep,
I sold Kilos of coke, (so?) I'm guessin' I can sell CD's
I'm not a businessman, I'm a business, man
Let me handle my buisness, damn! - Jay Z in Diamonds of Sierra Leone

Truth and Honesty

I'm constantly reminded by how important honesty is - and as my neighbor Megan reminded over dinner on Sunday evening - full, complete honesty. It's the bedrock of any relationship because it's a necessary (and first condition) of truth. The truth is worth fighting for. So are relationships that are based on honesty, because they're honestly so rare. SO rare.

And, it's a precious love when each person in the pair has the ability, desire and intimacy to reveal the truth in all it's beauty and ugly. It's the stuff that dreams are made of.

Some would say that it, the truth that is, is the only thing in the world that never dies. If that's the case, God is in the truth. And that's a big deal.

Jay-Z is also correct, in his own way, which is pretty eloquently summarized: "real recognize real, rahh".

On faith, quickly.

I haven't been thinking about faith, and the mysteries of the universe for very long. At least in a way that's deliberate. But, there's been one thing that I've been thinking about, with regard to faith that I've learned.

That it's tested. And that it's hard and painful to believe in what's true sometimes.

Make that two things.

Looking to 2012

As is usually the case over the winter holiday, I've spent quite a bit of time reflecting on 2011. It's going to be a really, really hard year in 2012. My habit change is simple - eliminate unnecessary cursing and the use of corporate jargon.

My real resolution will be a lot more difficult, though, learning to understand and express feelings. I spend lots of time thinking, but as the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator would suggest, thinking is much different than feeling. I'm luckily that thinking comes easily to me - in fact, I'd say I spend about 90-92% of my waking hours thinking.

Feeling - though I dislike the connotation of the word, "feeling" because when men use the word, it's affiliated with weakness - is a much different venture and requires a different sort of muscle, so to speak. It's a muscle I've never really developed and have avoided developing (I've instead opted to think through such things...not really "feel" them).

Let's non-sequiter to an analysis this year (the thinking part):

Professional / Community Life - Good. Beast mode. But, less than perfect work-life balance.

Social Life - Great. Hard transition moving but meaningful relationships with friends old and new.

Family Life - Great. Two weddings. Rebirth of family relationships. My dad is no longer distraught over employment.

Physical Health - Okay, but on an upswing. Houston project was making me unhealthy, but no more of that malarki.

Intellectual Health - I always aspire for more maturity here, but, great gains.

Happiness level - fairly happy, aside from aforementioned work-life balance and some other job stuff.

Now, that leaves a few other areas:

Emotional Health - N/A. I don't really know, I kind of "just keep swimming" most of the time, so this doesn't apply.

Spiritual Health - N/A. This one isn't exactly my fault (I'm a spiritual orphan because of my oft conflicting identities).

Romantic Relationships - For the most part, N/A. Also, not really important to discuss here.

Those are, like, three really big areas to have N/As, no?

I've spent a lot of time focusing on the top categories and not very much time focusing on the bottom three. It's not even a question of "focusing" on them, either. I've kind of boxed those things out.

And, it's kind of scary because I have no idea how this will go. I don't know if I'll be a wreck, at times. I don't know if I'll be the same as I always am, expect a little less serious and a little more at peace. I don't know if I'll get really angry or become a wuss. And, as someone who always likes to be in control of mind and body, this is nearly terrifying.

And, as someone who can usually only express "feelings" by blogging, slam poetry, dance or singing in the shower - not expressing them to others or publicly - I'm worried that I'm getting in over my head.

Overall, I don't plan on becoming this broken-record-blubbering-fool, either. I think I'll keep with the intensity for the most part (my two speeds are "go" and "overdrive", I've discovered), but no longer recklessly.

I hope by the end of this I'll be a healthier person who can be a better friend, son, brother and colleague, and, eventually a better husband, father and citizen. This may be a really, really difficult experiment of a year, but it has to be done. I'm finally really for this challenge, and, I can't continue as-is any longer. Well, I can, but it's extremely taxing and to be honest, I don't want to.

Thank G-d that I don't have to do this alone.

The Mission Mission

It seems to me that there are a few scenarios in the organizational world with regard to management and leadership (for give me for simplifying):

1. There's a dictatorial soverign keeping an organization together by hook or by crook

2. There's a benevelont leader who inspiries people in the organization and provides what we call "leadership"

3. An organization manages itself, so to speak, by converging on a clear purporse and easy to understand roles and responsibilities

4. An organization is directionless and eventually folds for lack of leadership and management

I think #3 is the ideal because it's moral, sustainable and not nearly as costly as options 1 and 2. Option 4 is prima facie awful.

As I observe more and more organizations, it seems like all organizations are subject to these criteria - families, NGOs, companies, sports teams...every last one.

Option 3 requires a lot of foundational work that humans don't seem to understand yet, namely the definition of a clear purposes, roles & responsibilities, intrinsic motivation and a commitment to the people in the organization which supercedes selfish motivies. In other words, it takes structures and behaviors which humans aren't capable of yet, writ large.

We're going to figure this out though, we have to. Humans can't have organizations which fall into categories 1 and 2 anymore...they won't work (e.g. too much choice, decoupling of power structures and institutions, etc.). Stay tuned. It's time to go on a mission to make organizations focus on mission - everything flows from that.

Why I shop online

Why do people treat my parents different because they're older and speak with an accent? They get talked down to all the time, in latent ways that barely anyone hears. Growing up in Oakland County, MI you think that people are above that, but they can't help it.

Even people in Detroit are more welcoming, accepting and inclusive. It's infuriating to see people I care about get treated with such disrespect. And, it's also infuriating that I, as many others in America of Asian descent are subject to, am percieved as being an uppity minority that's being accusatory if I suggest that folks are exuding xenophobia.

There's no winning this, what will it take to not feel like a minority in America?

This is one of my problems which are not "first world", this stuff is real. This is also a major reason why I shop online, a lot - there's less opportunity for Agent groups to take it out on me and my family, simply because they can and/or don't understand that they're behaving in a way that's incredibly deflating.

Thank goodness (most) of my friends don't intentionally or unintentionally subscribe to latent racism. I wish others were as lucky.

Listening to one's own heart

In many circumstances, I've found listening to be more important than speaking. For many reasons - you learn more, it's tremendously respectful and generally speaking others are more important than oneself. Listening to others is a rare gift, one that I try to practice (with different levels of success) everyday.

Let's put that sort of listening aside for now.

There's a different kind of listening that I've never really thought about before last week - listening to one's own heart. Just as important as listening to others, listening to one's own hear is just as imporant and it's harder I think. It requires a complete absence of mental noise and a quiet confidence to hear the "song that's being sung from within", so to speak. The only type of listening that seems to be harder, is listening for god.

But, why is this so important? I think it's something that's contrary to our nature as social beings. We try to contextualize and create meaning out of ideas, and we have desires. There are things that we want. And in our own hearts, our mind is easy to draw us into selfishness. I don't know exactly what I'm saying, but what I'm trying to get at is there are so many things in the world that stop us from listening to our hearts and so many people that want us to "hear" something else. And that's what makes it crucially important.

We have to listen to our hearts to know what we really feel and believe. I thought for a long time about the power of "thinking" and how anything can be figured out if you think about it hard enough. But, I think that's erring. Some things require a stronger beacon to guide decisions - something that accounts for feeling, spirituality and morality.

In all its nakedness, listening to ones own heart is irreplaceable, and, I think that it's probably the only way to make decisions that matter most.

But, how to hear it clearly? And, it's miserable to hear the song of one's own heart and not know how to or have the courage to follow it - that's an entirely different matter.

And also, I think it's so hard - I can hardly express feeling to anyone outside of writing it and reflecting on it in a blog, how can I possibly be in touch with my own heart to listen to it?

I'm kind of curious what folks think about this idea I've been brooding on for the past few weeks - a chart which maps the mission of an organization (think: webbing it into smaller pieces) and overlays each node with people, teams, roles and operational data.

Do you think this idea is worth building a prototype or concept deck around?

I figured it'd make sense to float this around a bit because of the firm's recent, curious, penchant for "focusing investment". Here's some of the buildup/context and the idea itself:

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Introduction

Working on our Skills-based volunteer pilot program, I got to thinking about what an Org Chart actually is - it has some assumptions to it. Here are some observations:

• Implies hierarchy - makes leadership the focus of the document
• Goes from "top to bottom" with who is responsible for decision making
• People are organized by function and department (from what I've seen)
• Depends on individual owners occupying roles and managing tasks/responsibilities
• Information spreads via clearly defined channels and reporting structures
• Suggests that roles / responsibilities and one's position in the organization is static (you are in one box and only one box until you change jobs or roles in the organization)

There are probably more observations, but, this is already good fodder for discussion so let's run with these.

Now, we know organizations are changing and so is the organizational world. Agility and engagement is probably viewed as a higher priority than stability and risk, at least to some degree more than in previous decades. We have a need for delieberate disruption with organizations to encourage innovation, growth and learning. The purpose of organizations in society is also changing...the lines between public, private and social organizations is blurring. Read The Big Shift and the Power of Pull or any book about complex systems to get a taste for why.

In a previous draft of this post, I wanted to discuss the assumptions (above), but I'll take a different tack - I'll set some context and present a new idea for how we think about organizations.

Context
More and more, it seems to me that organizations need to focus on mission. This is for several reasons:

• An organization needs to be particular about what it's trying to accomplish, or it wastes time and resources doing things that don't really impact their value/bottom-line
• Reaching for a mission motivates employees, a lot.
• Focusing on a goal helps teams actually get things done, instead of "spinning their wheels".

(I'll leave this point for now - I don't want to try to do this now, because there's another point I want to make and this is pretty well discussed in contemporary management literature).

Let's no go back to the organization chart, it's a hallmark of corporate forms of organization. Why don't corporate organization charts make any direct reference to mission? After all, how can an employee, let alone an organization, focus on mission if they don't know how their individual role connects to the mission of the organization?

So here's my proposition - a "mission map". Here's how it would work...it's kind of like a mind map:

On the center of a page, put the mission of the organization. From there, map out the big elements of the organization's strategy - like spokes coming out of the center of the wheel. From there, further articulate subcomponents of the strategy and activities in the same webbing/mindmapping fashion.

If this mission map were able to be created in a web-based tool, each note in the mission map could be filled with information about the people involved in supporting each sub component of the mission, specific operational details, performance metrics and key milestones. Any leader in the organization (or any employee for that matter) could open up the mission map, click on a subcomponent and see the link between people, mission and performance.

What I think the value is

There are few reasons I think this would be valuable:

• Line of sight - a mission map breaks down a mission into small pieces, that way every person in the organization knows how their work impacts the organization's mission
• Flexibilities / Teaming - People are overlayed onto the mission, so you can put down different people onto different aspects of the mission. One person could be assigned to more than one subcomponent of mission, which is true to life. A chart of this sort reflects the teaming required in an organization, which is also more true to life than a run of the mill organization chart.
• Scoping - by breaking down mission into pieces it can be compared to what is actually occurring in the organization today. If an activity cannot be weaved into a mission map, it raises the question - should it actually be done by the organization?

Anyway, does anyone have an advice on whether this is a "winning" idea? Has something like this ever been attempted?

-Neil

Home

With every day that passes, and every city I visit I only remember one place - home. Home of the past and the future. My heart aches for it more and more and more and more again. All I want to do is go there and stay there for the rest of my days.

Social Change and its nomenclature

I caught something on facebook the other day - someone being congratulatory about some friend's work which was exemplary "positive social change". Which is fine, social change is not something that's a bad thing, certainly.



But this whole enterprise of "social change" has to be better. The deployment of it, probably has a lot of room for improvement, I think. In fact, peering into the language of social change and how it's described is pretty indicative about some of its attributes I take issue with.



Here are two examples:

Let's first deconstruct the whole idea of "social change". When people talk about it, it's a pretty unfocused term. When people talk about wanting to be a part of social change they describe it as such. What the heck does this mean? What's the goal here? As it's concieved now, social change is this amorphous, non-descript idea where do-gooders seem to do what feels good or sounds good. Where's the specific mission statement or objective?

That being said, it doesn't have to be some very narrow mission and could be a very ambitious goal. But setting a goal in the first place of how social value will be delivered is prudent. There aren't enough resources to be fluffy about social change.

I also get it that "social change" people probably have goals and good intentions of hitting specific goals and targets with their work. That's great. But, kindly get serious enough about it to not be careless about communicating the change you hope to inflect.

Here's the second example

What's this focus on "change" as the operating word in the phrase. Why is "change" implied as a good thing? Admittedly, if we're not satisfied with the current-state of social affairs it stands to reason that some sort of change is necessary.



But, that's so reckless to talk about change. Change has no focus as a term. Change is something that you have to control. Change is a directionless word. To think about doing change seems like it would suggest that doing stuff, for the sake of doing stuff is advantageous, and conceptually sound.



But in my experience, change is really, really hard. It takes a ton of preparation and lots of investment. It takes a LOT of leadership / engagement and never happens for the sake of happening. So, don't focus on change - focus on a goal or outcome. Focus on a behavior. Not just change itself...focusing on change itself makes me think the social agent attempting to "change" things probably doesn't really know what they are talking about.



So to summarize - and this message goes to social change agents - get some plans together and set some goals. Kindly articulate the value you intend to create in the community. Don't hide behind the idea of "social change" and pretend like everyone should support the activities you're attempting because it sounds sweet. Think it through a little more.

A little harsh, I know. But really...we don't have community resources to waste that are not focused on something that really improves our communities.

Teachings from Buddhist Monks in Thailand

One of the most interesting things we did in Thailand was to attend a monk chat. During this chat we learned about what it is like to be a monk and about some of the fundamental tenants of Buddhism. That's a topic that I'll have to explore more, but one of the things I've been really riveting and reflecting on is some of the transformations I've undergone since I've graduated college - and lost some of my youthfulness.

It hasn't even been a transformation, it's been a bit of a transgression and I think it has spurned from wealth, my job and untamed ambition (and probably having drinks on the rooftops of skyscrapers in Asia). Let me explain.

I reached a point a few years ago where I was fully content with just doing good things and doing interesting things. I was less selfish, less entitled and I held pretty closely to principle. Now, though, I recognize that I've started to slip for the "righteous path", so to speak. I've become accustomed to creature comforts and I've started to devalue common things. I've begun to act - albeit slightly - that I'm entitled to something...which is a big leap something I believe in theory, that I'm not entitled to anything. I've begun to value the "nosebleeds" and have high aspirations for success.

Though, this is all fine. I'm missing the real, and graver, problem. Here's a summary - which links to some of the Buddhist teachings I've picked up (one takeaway is that Buddhism is all about choices and actions.

Lately, I've been thinking and acting like this:

Desire -> Motivation -> Choice -> Action -> Outcome: "I want W and I am motivated to do something about it, I will choose to do Y with result Z"

I'm missing something important here:

What's right -> Motivation -> Choice -> Action -> Outcome: "I know what's right is X, so I am motivated to do it. I will choose to do it, recognizing what the outcomes will be"

I've been developing the incorrect though process and have been deviating because of temptation. I recognize this now. Unfortunately, this is the easy part. The hard part is, actually doing it (and as a Buddhist might add, detaching myself from desire).

All in all, a good trip.

Patriots will weep

As a young boy, I was filled with hope for American republican democracy. I traveled to foreign countries and saw the gentleness of our people compared with the weight of king-like corruption and the contrast between citizens who littered shamelessly and those who swept the streets their friends and family walked on. Even the air smelled different.

All this was indicative, at least to my 6 year old self, that there was something special about our country and our system of government. Reasonable men with reasonable requests were able to literally make their neighborhoods a better place. Discussions were had intensely, but at the end of it all we were all on the same team. America and her interests were affixed permanently to our intent.

Somewhere along the way, though, we forgot about the roots of our republic. It seems like it became about greed and utility maximization, instead of principle. And, there was nobody left to contain the tyranny of the tyrants or of the citizenry. Our democracy was defenseless from our ugliest urges.

This debt crisis reveals the aforementioned ugly side. How have we forgotten what we are fighting for. For a long time, I think, people prioritized family, duty, God and community before themselves. Now, it seems the opposite and it's tearing away the strength we have from hanging together.

I don't pray about many things, but I'll probably pray that our leaders lay aside malice and guile to figure this out. Not only because a Federal default could have immediate and devastating consequences, but also because it would cast a modicum of doubt on the reputation of freedom and self-governance. It would question that our way of life is the right way of life. Policy wise, the debt crisis is probably much less consequential than other matters throughout history and future debates on gravely important issues.

But this issue is a small but poignant verdict on the stability of our republican democracy, which is affective of our governments foundation even if it is not consequential. In my opinion, because the solution is clear - the deals are just about the mix of policy solutions - this is not only a "debt crisis" but a "democracy crisis", of sorts (naturally this is sensationalized...that's what the situation has been called, though).

If a deal doesn't get done, patriots will weep. And I will be one of them. And as we clear our eyes, we'll see the path ahead from the light of the sun rising over our country's eastern shore. And those that wept will pick up the pieces anyhow.

Choices

I just can't do it.

Looking back at choices I've made, I go back and wonder whether I'm foolish or whether my hope and optimism in others will lead to being eaten up by the sharks in the world. There are many instances, I think, which shake out into the following decision framework:

Choice 1: Hold steadfastly to principle

Choice 2: Be aggressive and take what you want

And those are often in conflict - and it's hard. It's incredibly hard to say no to power and pleasure. It takes an incredibly high amount of

Eff this. I'm not beating around the bush with this.

I'm so torn between adhering to the values and princples that I was taught about how a gentleman treats a woman and what it sort of takes to "make progress" so to speak. If you're aggressive you win. If you do what you think is right, i.e. show respect, you end up sleeping on the couch. It's effing terrible.

I don't want to live in a world where one has to out-aggress others to win. I don't want to be the type of person which uses tactics and strategies to get someone to like you. I want to live in a world where people are honest, genuine and can be themselves in social situations and be accepted for it.

I'm out of air in my lungs for game. I'm so disillusioned by meeting opportunistic people in public. I can't be like this forever - what does it say for our species' future if we live out a scenario where the more you take, the more you get. Why doesn't sacrifice happen?

And as pissed as I am for not being taller, for being "old school", for being disgusted with the twenty-something "scene". I just want to understand why. Why is selfishness a pre-requisite for getting what you want?

It takes someone special to change the rules of the game or play by the spirit of the rules and "win" whatever the game is, I think.

At the same time, i'll never acquiesce to compromised principle. I'll never be a jack-ass. It's not the world that I would want to live in and change starts at home. I need to stop pretending I'm something that I'm not. It's time to really choose the man I want to be.

It's time to get back to basics, suck it up for the consequences and live the life I've dreamed of anyway. I'm gonna find my wife. I'm gonna do everything else I talked about doing. I'm gonna do it the right way, even if it takes more work and I'm freaking dog-tired every day for the rest of my life. That's how my family and friends raised me. But, this is going to be so hard.

The evolution of human interaction

Pretentious title aside, I was working on some cool brainstorming the other day. Basically, I'm on this quest to understand what it takes to form effective teams. And by that I mean real teams not collections of individuals in a group setting.

So, I tried to chart out the evolution of how humans have socialized in the history of the world...in hopes that it sheds light on how we might continue to evolve and what holds us back from really "teaming".

Here are the steps:

Conquering the state of nature - first, we had to establish ourselves as a species...this is like the pre-evolution

Then, the sanctity of the individual was solidified - think Magna Carta, etc. Individual rights were born.

Then there was a flourishing of individual rights on grounds of race, religion, etc. At the same time we began to form partnerships and really cement the institution of marriage. Which brings us to today.

There's going to be a Big Shift in how we interact, it's already started, really. We have to form teams to figure out the difficult problems we are faced with. We're fooling ourselves if we think we can do it without teams of everyone pulling together. We can't.

But, it's also not good enough if the team-mentality doesn't captivate our species. We have too many problems to play in small arenas. We have to scale our teams. But how will we do it?

Will we create networks? Will we create really, really big teams? Will we create an army of small teams and get the individual teams to form teams? I haven't quite gotten to a good level of analysis yet. But, I'm thinking about it.

We have to crack the code on teams. We have to figure it out. Otherwise, I fear our most pressing problems will become irreversibly complex and damning. That would be awful.

Hubris / Speedometers

One of the most difficult decisions I make on a daily basis is a simple one.

I'm in my car, a Red 2001 Chevrolet Cavalier (with 162k miles, no less). I'm driving...somewhere...it doesn't matter where. The weather doesn't matter, nor does the freeway I am driving on. I am not late.

Do I speed? If so, do I travel 4 over? 5 over? 15 over? Does the degree of the law-breaking even matter?

Now, I could probably think about the morality of the speeding itself (which raises interesting legal and moral questions - there was an Org Studies student this year who actually wrote a thesis about the spirit and letter of the law...pretty cool).

But whether speeding is "right" or "wrong" is not what I find to be gripping about this particular instance. I care about what it means, and what the decision is emblematic of. It's a subtle, but telling meter of hubris.

Hubris is pretty destructive, in teams, organizations institutions and societies, I think. It leads to crazy behavior with devastating results. (Jim Collins gives an apt description of this in his book: How the Mighty Fall: And Why Some Companies Never Give In. It's a good read).

If I'm speeding, it suggests that I think I'm above the law, because I know speeding is illegal, I know I'm doing it, but I do it anyway. It's like...eff you traffic laws, Ima do what I want because I don't answer to you, Elmo. If you believe that hubris is fungible to other aspects of life - i.e. if you have hubris when driving you'll have hubris when making other, more consequential decisions - that's really scary. It means you're greedy, arrogant and probably selfish. Maybe it means you're addicted to power.

It's terrifying because as power corrupts it means your hubris condemns you to moral insufficiency. In turn, that moral insufficiency causes you to harm others...potentially in terrible ways.

Because of all this, I've been paying closer attention to my speedometer lately. And I'm still speeding, albeit less. I hope I can control it. If I can't, it might mean hubris will consume me one day. I don't want that. I don't want that at all.

It's like in Spiderman: with great power comes great responsibility.

-nt

PS: this probably applies to texting, too.

First born.

You will be my greatest project,
Our lives' seminal work.

From tears into uncertainty, continuing to apprehension and exploration.  Next courage, honesty then humility until you have a project of your own.

The toybox is empty.  No bottles are at the ready.  But a lifetime of protection, love and wonderment are already in plentiful supply.

All potential energy, though.

When your birthday comes, you'll be ready, and so will I.

I think I'm ready to be a man, now. I don't know if others men have these coalescing moments where they realize that they have to grow up, or that they want to. I don't even know what these moments have been or what they can be.

I was coming to terms with my own mortality. I was thinking about the mark that I want to leave on the world and what I want to accomplish professionally. I was thinking about how much I love the wife and kids I haven't met yet.

There are all these things which brew in a guy's head and all of a sudden you realize your mindset has changed. Mine did mindset finished it's turn around, this week. I gotta get after it.