I don’t always know who reads these posts, or where in the world they are from.
But if you’re reading this, I hope you are blessed with the gifts of a sturdy table, and a community that gathers around it, just as we are.
All in Fatherhood
My father taught me how to figure it out. I realize this now. And so there’s nothing to be scared of.
I cannot break my sons’ innocence early by asking them to dance with my heaviest emotions.
Memories decay quickly, instantly. And that makes being present, telling stories, and taking photographs so important. We have to protect the shards we have.
As your father, I promise to love you unconditionally and help you become good people.
If I choose to shirk responsibility, what am I?
The greatest of all choices is choosing whether or not to be a good person.
What I need, desperately, is to be here.
The question of how to raise good children starts with figuring out how to be a good person myself.
There are men that are trying to reimagine what it means to be a man. As in, how to be a different and hopefully better kind of man.
And we are doing this without role models to draw from. We are breaking ground, and it is remarkable.
I don’t want to make noise about the sacrifices I’ve made, but I don’t want my sacrifices to be insulted by ungrateful children. I don’t want my children feel deep shame or know intense suffering, but I also want them to have opportunities to build inner strength. In some ways I need to tell stories about sacrifice, but in other ways that’s counterproductive.
What’s a parent to do?
Radha was never born or conceived. Yet, I know she is my sister. I hope our sons realize the gravity of the gift - brotherhood - they have.
Bo, Myles, and Emmett - if you ever find this remember that you are not here to justify us as parents. Remember to love each other. And remember our prayers for you.
My son has managed to teach me a lesson before he was even born - we can’t stop dreaming.
It’s bittersweet to realize your kids are growing, but that time is passing.
At their best, mentors are not just advisors, they are momentary fathers. I think if we’re honest, those of us who feel like we’ve had some success at living life have been blessed with many momentary mothers and fathers along the way.
I made a difficult promise to my son, and it turned out to be a lesson on faith.
As it turns out, the antidote to “I can’t” need not be “Of course, I can, I’m the shit.” It can also be, “I have something special to contribute, just as everyone does. So I’m going to figure this out, even if it’s hard.”
I want to get out of this self-perpetuating cycle of men being held to a low standard of parenting.
For me, memories are elusive. I feel like most people I know remember much more of their childhood than I do.
I’ve been exploring some nuance of memories this week. There’s me wanting to remember more, say of time with my sons. But there’s also me hoping my sons want to remember time they spend with me.
I don’t know quite what to do with this thought yet.